Good Lord...my son is still asleep. Figures...on vacation from camp this week (camp takes a break for the July 4th week), and I was looking forward to going back to my swim aerobics class with my buddies today. Oh well, he must have been tired to sleep this late already, and we're going to go see fireworks tonight anyway...so he'll be up late to boot.

MY BABY GIRL ISN"T HERE!!!! WAH! (hunh. my smileys aren't working. bummer.)
So last week she went on a float trip with her new youth group for 3 days. We go home to my parents house this past weekend, and Grandma wants some grandkids to stay with her for a week. So Jessi's GONE. I'm really feelin' this one, ya'll. Every year we go see the local fireworks, very family oriented, and my baby is missing. It's just not gonna be the same. Her cousin is staying with her, so they should help entertain each other. Growing up there was a test in self entertainment. My parents live 15 minutes away from town (population 1200-no stoplights kind of place) and 2 hours away from a big enough "city" to be exciting. My childhood was spent reading (they only got one channel - too boondocky for satellite), and outside adventuring on 300+ acres of woodland/farmland. No, not a bad childhood at all...loved it, and highly recommend it for all...but for today's "instant" youth, it might just be an excercise in boredom. Jess is pretty self entertaining, actually...I do need to let her go a little bit, though. I would typically leave the house at the crack of dawn, pack me a lunch, grab my dog, and just leave for the day, and Lord knows where I'd wind up by dinnertime...come in all grubby and dirt covered...I don't let Jess go beyond the bottom creek...which you can see from their house. And I was younger than she is now. I'm just scared she could get snake bitten, black bears have been spotted around our area, the wild dog packs have grown, coyotes...maybe I"m just overprotective....maybe, right. So this was a surprise for her to stay this week...she only had one pair of underwear...told her Grandpa would take her to the store and buy her some panties. She about died. So I slipped her a $5 and asked Grandpa to just wait out in the car for her, and she'll buy her own. 12 year old girls...gotta love 'em!

So what are everyone's plans for the 4th? We did a few groundworks at my folks on Saturday...too dry in the fields to do the big boomers...the three of us (sigh) are going to the local show tonight with some friends and possibly my sis and her kids (which could get interesting...she's such a drama queen sometimes), tomorrow probably nothing (I know...it's the actual 4th and nothing planned...probably drag our lawn chairs out to the sidewalk and watch the St. Louis show...it just gets too crowded over there), and then this weekend we shall go to my folks AGAIN (probably go early...maybe Wednesday (joking...missing my girl)) and shoot off the good stuff...my hubby calls this his Christmas....this is the holiday he enjoys the most, and I let him spend what he wants...to a point. Great stress reliever for him to blow things up, I guess!

That boy is still asleep. I've missed the whole first class. Grrr...one more class to go, maybe after I'll swim laps or do some nautilus work...missed the weight room last week. Had to sit in on my boy's swim lessons, make sure he was being good. I WAS dropping him off at swim and going and working out (same building). Last time, I come back in, and I get attacked by a parent..."is that YOUR child?" (pointing to the boy) I'm all sighing, "yes, what'd he do?" "he has been incredibly wild, jumping in the water not on his turn, landing on kids, splashing, blah blah blah" so after, I made him apologize to his teachers, and mentioned we were looking into getting him into private swim lessons...teachers all "maybe that would be a good idea..." Hmmm....Ouch. Private swim lessons are gonna hurt. $$$$. Thankfully, my swim aerobics teacher has become my good friend, and is willing to teach Jason for the price of gas. LOVE HER. But they did bump him into a higher class...which surprised me. Not that he didn't pass the swimming part, but his listening skills lack a little bit. He's 5 and they now have him in the 6-13 year old swimmers. My boy is a lifeguard's worst nightmare. He has taught himself to swim, and does rather well...just can't do the breathing thing...but he'll bob himself to get air...haven't tested the "how long can he bob" theory, I thought teaching him the breathing thing might be better. But he'll jack-knife from the side, do somersaults in the water, handstands on the bottom, dive for stuff, and he taught himself the breast stroke. I think this is going to be his "thing". Granted, his strokes aren't perfect, but for teaching himself, I think it's pretty good!

Speaking of the boy, forgot to tell of last weeks excitement. We got to meet the paramedics 3 days early from camp. And the police. At our house. Seems Dad and Grandpa left these beautiful thick copper nuts on our bathroom sink when they were fixing the faucet...Jason thought they were also lovely and put them on his fingers. Made great music clapping and everything. However, when it came time to take them off, not so fun anymore. We tried soap, cooking oil, butter, and then as they were turning purple we called the fire department. They had some super slick oil to get the one on his right hand off, which cut a little bit, and the other one had to have the ring cutter saw. Kinda cool...me being the sick and disturbed scrapbooking mom that I am, got pictures. And saved the nut. Both the 5 year old one and the copper one.

HE"S FINALLY AWAKE!!!! Ya'll take care and have a FANTASTIC 4th of July! And thank a military person...they're the reason we have this holiday!!!!

Be back with a funny later....

he Top 16 Signs You Hired The Wrong Fireworks Expert

16> Business card reads, "Sponsored by St. Luke's Burn Unit."

15> His degree, from the Wile E. Coyote Demolition Academy, is an
*honorary* degree.

14> Teaches the kids to free up their hands by lighting fireworks
in their mouth.

13> His grand finale involves pork & beans and a Bic lighter.

12> Can't launch the ol' rocket in front of an audience, if you
know what I mean.

11> Wants to synchronize the 4th of July display to Jimmy
Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise."

10> The punk he keeps trying to light has orange hair and a nose
ring.

9> Asks if he should shoot off Quaker Puffed Rice or Oats when
the 1812 Overture begins.

8> Big 4th of July show ends with 50-foot tall sparkling message:
"Happy Bar Mitzvah, Howie Goldfarb."

7> He finally shows up on July 6th smelling like a refinery.

6> Theme of the fireworks display: "The Jihad Against the Beer
Swilling Pigs Begins"

5> Tied a monkey to a skyrocket "so's I can get me a grant from
NASA!"

4> Offers 20% discount if Salman Rushdie attends your event.

3> He wants to know if he can "borrow" your dog for the finale.

2> Insists on humming the "Mission Impossible" theme every time
he lights a fuse.

and the Number 1 Sign You Hired The Wrong Fireworks Expert...

1> For kicks, sticks roman candle in empty eye socket and chases
kids around.

animated

Ah...A Saturday morning where I can move slowly...no gym, no camp, and
Jason decided not to go to karate this morning, which helps.  Of
course, now we're fighting about a cookie...apparently dad let Jason
have a cookie before breakfast, Jess didn't know he had one already,
and was going to let them both have one after they were done with
breakfast.  Dad just let slip that Jason had already had
one...Jason keeps saying "Dad said I could have a cookie after
breakfast too" And Jess is going into the "well, if he gets 2, I should
get 2"...good Lord.  I very rarely get cookie type snacks here at
the house...and this is one of the reasons why...if they're going to go
at each other like a pair of rabid wolves for a dang cookie, it's just
not worth it.  Stupid cookies.

I have GOT to clean my house today.  It's gross. Wonder how many
times I have typed that on here?  But it is. 
Seriously.  I still have stuff to clean up from his parents being
here last Sunday.  I KNOW.  Yuck.  Grass needs mowed
too.  And Jess needs driven over to the church for vocal
practice...cool thing here....last Sunday she and her friend did a
couple of songs for the late church service...the first one, Jessi
solo'ed, and K played the violin, the second, the girls sang a duet,
with a solo tucked in for each...sounded terrific.  Monday I got a
call from one of the big guys at church asking if they could have an
encore performance for the early morning service this coming
week!!!  AWESOME!  Jess was so excited, I though she was
gonna cry!  That IS cool, though...Her voice teacher, however, has
decided to put her on break for the summer...thinks Jess isn't taking
it as seriously as she thinks she needs to.  OK...it's
SUMMER.  It's hard to be focused on anything!  (Besides
trying to stay cool...) AND (here's a biggie), the last 2 months of her
practices she's brought K (the one with the violin), so they could
practice for church (per voice teachers request).  Those 2
together are TROUBLE.  Hyperactive trouble.  So, yeah, her
attention wasn't there.  These 2, for the first 4 years of school,
I had to go in and request classroom separation, cause it just doesn't
work otherwise. Jess was a little crushed that she had to take a break
on voice.  I don't quite think it's fair either, but I do think
summer needs to be free as possible, too.

I need to call my friend. One of my best friends from school
(elementary on up) mom has passed away this week.  Visitation
yesterday, funeral today.  I can't go.  I would want to be
there for her, but time doesn't allow it, and I have this thing about
funerals. I've been to one funeral in my life.  That was
enough.  I'm of the belief that we should be having more of a
'life celebration' when we go.  To really celebrate the person
that has left.  I don't want to look down and see a bunch of
people depressed and crying...I want them to be remembering the fun
things, having a good time...give me the New Orleans style funeral
procession, with the big band and a parade...there are, of course, the
people I would go to a traditional funeral for, I think.  I think.
Don't really want to think about it just now...those thoughts
stink. 

Well, so that's about it right now...got my community helpers finally
lined up for next week...we have a policeperson on Tuesday, EMS on
Wednesday, firefighter on Thursday, and dentist on Friday.  Monday
was supposed to be postal worker, but apparently since 9-11 they aren't
allowed to be social in the community.  Bummer.  So trying to
hunt down an Air Force fighter pilot.  (we live right next to an
air base)  But I gotta find one before Monday.  Monday might
just wind up being us learning about different community helpers!

And so...I leave you with a chuckle....

From an actual newspaper contest where entrants ages 4 to 15 were asked to
imitate Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey.

I
believe you should live each day as if it is your last, which is why I
don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash
clothes on the last day of their life?
    -- Age 15

Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a great big bag of money.
    -- Age 13

It
sure would be nice if we got a day off for the president's birthday,
like they do for the queen. Of course, then we would have a lot of
people voting for a candidate born on July 3 or December 26, just for
the long weekends.
   -- Age 8

Democracy is a beautiful thing, except for that part about letting just any old yokel vote.
   -- Age 10

Home is where the house is.
    -- Age 6

I bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.
    -- Age 13

I
often wonder how come John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some
people think he should be. Then, I remember it's because he sucks.
    -- Age 15

For
centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then the
astronauts found that the moon is really a big hard rock. That's what
happens to cheese when you leave it out.
    -- Age 6

My
younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get
buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should
have told him the truth--that most of us go to hell and burn
eternally--but I didn't want to upset him.
   -- Age 10

I
gaze at the brilliant full moon. The same one, I think to myself, at
which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they
appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's
right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell
Plato that I live in the country that has come the closest to Utopia,
and I show him a copy of the Constitution. I tell Aristotle that we
have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic
table. I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with
wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts.
    -- Age 15

When I go to heaven, I want to see my grandpa again. But he better have lost the nose hair and the old-man smell.
    -- Age 5

I once heard the voice of God. It said "Vrrrrmmmmm." Unless it was just a lawn mower.
    -- Age 11

I
don't know about you, but I enjoy watching paint dry. I imagine that
the wet paint is a big fresh water lake that is the only source of
water for some tiny cities by the lake. As the lake gets drier, the
population gets more desperate, and sometimes there are water riots.
Once there was a big fire and everyone died.
    -- Age 13

I
like to go down to the dog pound and pretend that I've found my dog.
Then I tell them to kill it anyway because I already gave away all of
his stuff. Dog people sure don't have a sense of humor.
    -- Age 14

As
you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few
minutes each day. At the end of the year, you'll have a couple of days
saved up.
    -- Age 7

Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
    -- Age 15

It
would be terrible if the Red Cross Bloodmobile got into an accident.
No, wait. That would be good because if anyone needed it, the blood
would be right there.
    -- Age 5

Think
of the biggest number you can. Now add five. Then, imagine if you had
that many Twinkies. Wow, that's five more than the biggest number you
could come up with!
    -- Age 6

The
only stupid question is the one that is never asked, except maybe
"Don't you think it is about time you audited my return?" or "Isn't it
morally wrong to give me a warning when, in fact, I was speeding?"
    -- Age 15

Just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up.
    -- Age 12

Although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me.
    -- Age 15

Once,
I wept for I had no shoes. Then I came upon a man who had no feet. So I
took his shoes. I mean, it's not like he really needed them, right?
    -- Age 15

If
we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world
peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the
looting started.
    -- Age 15

I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
    -- Age 6

I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they
are doing and wave back.
    -- Age 9

I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering
someone else up.
    -- Age 13

Ah...A Saturday morning where I can move slowly...no gym, no camp, and
Jason decided not to go to karate this morning, which helps.  Of
course, now we're fighting about a cookie...apparently dad let Jason
have a cookie before breakfast, Jess didn't know he had one already,
and was going to let them both have one after they were done with
breakfast.  Dad just let slip that Jason had already had
one...Jason keeps saying "Dad said I could have a cookie after
breakfast too" And Jess is going into the "well, if he gets 2, I should
get 2"...good Lord.  I very rarely get cookie type snacks here at
the house...and this is one of the reasons why...if they're going to go
at each other like a pair of rabid wolves for a dang cookie, it's just
not worth it.  Stupid cookies.

I have GOT to clean my house today.  It's gross. Wonder how many
times I have typed that on here?  But it is. 
Seriously.  I still have stuff to clean up from his parents being
here last Sunday.  I KNOW.  Yuck.  Grass needs mowed
too.  And Jess needs driven over to the church for vocal
practice...cool thing here....last Sunday she and her friend did a
couple of songs for the late church service...the first one, Jessi
solo'ed, and K played the violin, the second, the girls sang a duet,
with a solo tucked in for each...sounded terrific.  Monday I got a
call from one of the big guys at church asking if they could have an
encore performance for the early morning service this coming
week!!!  AWESOME!  Jess was so excited, I though she was
gonna cry!  That IS cool, though...Her voice teacher, however, has
decided to put her on break for the summer...thinks Jess isn't taking
it as seriously as she thinks she needs to.  OK...it's
SUMMER.  It's hard to be focused on anything!  (Besides
trying to stay cool...) AND (here's a biggie), the last 2 months of her
practices she's brought K (the one with the violin), so they could
practice for church (per voice teachers request).  Those 2
together are TROUBLE.  Hyperactive trouble.  So, yeah, her
attention wasn't there.  These 2, for the first 4 years of school,
I had to go in and request classroom separation, cause it just doesn't
work otherwise. Jess was a little crushed that she had to take a break
on voice.  I don't quite think it's fair either, but I do think
summer needs to be free as possible, too.

I need to call my friend. One of my best friends from school
(elementary on up) mom has passed away this week.  Visitation
yesterday, funeral today.  I can't go.  I would want to be
there for her, but time doesn't allow it, and I have this thing about
funerals. I've been to one funeral in my life.  That was
enough.  I'm of the belief that we should be having more of a
'life celebration' when we go.  To really celebrate the person
that has left.  I don't want to look down and see a bunch of
people depressed and crying...I want them to be remembering the fun
things, having a good time...give me the New Orleans style funeral
procession, with the big band and a parade...there are, of course, the
people I would go to a traditional funeral for, I think.  I think.
Don't really want to think about it just now...those thoughts
stink. 

Well, so that's about it right now...got my community helpers finally
lined up for next week...we have a policeperson on Tuesday, EMS on
Wednesday, firefighter on Thursday, and dentist on Friday.  Monday
was supposed to be postal worker, but apparently since 9-11 they aren't
allowed to be social in the community.  Bummer.  So trying to
hunt down an Air Force fighter pilot.  (we live right next to an
air base)  But I gotta find one before Monday.  Monday might
just wind up being us learning about different community helpers!

And so...I leave you with a chuckle....

Wow...don't come around for awhile, and I lost my xanga
premium...that's OK...cause I don't think I ever used it, really...not
sure.  Guess I'll find out when I try actually doing something!

The song?  Just 'cause I like it. And to see Elmo dancing to it is pretty amusing too!
 I don't know why. 
Maybe because of the end of Dodgeball, the guy bouncing around...too
funny!  It's during the credits, so if you're not a credit
watcher, you missed it!  Now, everyone, go grab your copies and FF
through to the credits...go to the bathroom first, 'cause you may wet
yourself...consider that a warning!

Camp is super-fun-fantastical!!! LOVING IT!  Missed last week ...in-laws
were down from Alaska.  Hubby wanted me to take off so we could
all spend "quality" time together...keep in mind they're from
Alaska-time differential and all...they slept in 'til 11-12 most every
day.  I COULD HAVE WORKED!!!! Aaaachgh!  So I stalked the
camp anyway.  Made sure everyone was doing what they were supposed
to and whatnot.  They SO treated my assistant like a substitute
teacher!!!  Poor lady.  Though she did need to relax and have
more fun, for sure.  Very by the rules kind of lady. So it's kind
of hard to have everyone just follow what she says, I suppose, after
they've dealt with me for 3 years!  If ya'll haven't figured it
out by now, I"m kind of an easy going, see what happens kinda gal...but
if you're my employee, you still better stick to what I say to
do!!  Grrrrr....or they're fired.  FireDUH. (said like
freakboss on Dr. Suess)  Yeah, Ok...anyway....
I should be going to Walgreens and picking up new goggles for my son,
and making a shopping list for camp next week, and making phone calls
to get me some WAY cool community helpers for next weeks theme "Who are
the People in Your Neighborhood?"....but xanga has once again tackled
me and is holding me prisoner.  This could be bad. 

Camp this week's theme is Circus Week.  Usually I dread this
week.  We normally have a clown that inspires phobias...this year,
I put my foot down and told the powers that be, that that clown is not
welcome back, let me find my own.  And I did, for a pretty sweet
deal...he cut off $75 off his price, and I told him I'd pass out his
flyers to my campers parents...free advertising (and a cheaper deal for
me!)   Usually I have 4 activities on
each day planned...this week, we've only been getting to two of them a
day!!! That's good, folks...why, because it means the children are
enjoying them SO much, we spend extra time on the ones we've
done!  Good stuff...hmmm...some of the things we've actually
gotten accomplished....we made ribbon sticks and had a parade, had a
circus performance with the kids, did a science experiment (those
always go over SO welll...they really eat that up)...oh, and various
other things...Fun Shtuff, fo sho. 

'K...I really should go...hopefully I'll have time later to get on
here...but I really should plan out next week's theme....also been
getting up at 5:30 to fit my laps in at the gym!   
Should have a big yawny face in here too...but I'm proud of
myself....45 pounds as of Monday lost now....yeagh  me! 

Talk atcha all later...I will stop by and say hi tonight if it kills me....

Just to let ya'll know...I"m not dead.  In-laws from Alaska are coming down the 2nd week in June, my camp starts next week, and my chauffer-ness has apparently kicked into overdrive.  So...I've been cleaning like a madwoman (the deep cleaning kind -yuck...straightening up cabinets that have just been having stuff shoved in, the laundry room reorganized (shudder), windows washed, etc...)  which, trying to get in done in advance, I started way too early, and it all got messed back up again...sigh.  Cabinets aren't too bad, but everything else just makes me want to tear my hair out and let MIL see how we REALLY live!!!    And chauffer...good Lord...I can't imagine having more than 2 kids...kudos to you that do...This summer Jason has karate 2 days a week, swim 2 days a week, and Camp Choo Choo 5 days a week....also signed him up for t-ball, but this morning we decided (5 minutes before needing to leave for it) that we were going to cut that from our schedule this summer.  Jess is in between youth groups this summer and so gets to attend both youth groups and their functions...which is quite a bit...but I'm not gonna complain about her being busy with church activities!!!  She'll still have voice and piano all summer, and she's a CIT (counselor in training) for my camp...BUSY summer for all...

Now, since I haven't posted for so long, this may seem like old news....but YEAGH TAYLOR HICKS!!!!!  Will SO buy his album...daughter will probably buy Catherine...she got on my nerves...what the heck, too lazy to learn new songs for the finale? She needed to up her game, not rehash it...And the hippies won Amazing Race too....great reality shows this time....And now they're over.  Bummer.  Here's something I was thinking about American Idol though...feel free to disagree with me.  And most of you know I'm not an ultra-religious nutball trying to find Satan in everything, just some things kind of rub me wrong...the name of the show, originally, made me go hmmmm...you know, the whole "golden calf worshipping false idols" thing...then, on the finale, they actually give out golden idols...hmmmm...then I got to thinking, well, basically that's what all these actors and such are going for, these Oscars that some basically "worship", if you will....ANYWAY, ramblings from me...did anyone think this too? 

Everythings been pretty good....Jess goes to Jr. High this fall, 6 A's, 2 B's, and the B;s she had were 92's...they have such a weird grading scale here...93 and above are A's...oh well....Jas graduated from preschool and will go to kindergarten in the fall...my last baby.  I may bawl like a huge baby myself...I do get to work again, will hopefully find something that matches the school schedules...An aide position would be fine, even...don't want my kids being latchkey...I'd rather not work if that would be the case.  And Jess has said the same thing...she doesn't like coming home to an empty house if she doesn't have too...

As I said, camp starts next week...I'm SO EXCITED!!  The first week is "summertime fun"...camp has really taken off this year...the first year people weren't quite sure what to think of a preschool camp, so numbers were pretty consistently low...usually around 15 kids per week (6 weeks of camp)...last year a couple of the weeks were overbooked and I had to hire 1 new staff...THIS YEAR all weeks are completely booked, with a waiting list, AND turning people away...also increased camp size and staff already!!  And increased camp to 8 weeks...for those of you that are new...camp only runs from 9-12, M-F....the weeks being Summertime Fun, Art Smart, Holiday Mix-up, Who are the People in Your Neighborhood? (one of my new weeks), Circus Fun, Zoo Week, The Final Frontiers (ocean and space), and Earth Explorers (another new week).  Had a staff meeting the other day too...I love my staff....they are SO AWESOME...they love the kids so much, and I was so happy to be able to take a few of my volunteers from the past couple of years and make them paid staff this year...I love camp.  I did have to lay a whole bunch of rules on them this year...(the staff)...we usually play around alot, but this year, there's just too many campers to play too much...i.e., the last day of camp for the summer (and I'll still let them do this), we had a huge shaving cream war...everyone was a soapy mess, and then we all hosed off to get clean...kids loved it, staff loved it, and it was a great way to say good bye...but not yet this year!!! WOOHOO...I can't wait for Monday!!!!

Well, I do need to go...I'll check in on everyone hopefully later, I need to go get my oil changed and a hair cut.  Then we're heading to the zoo!!!  Fun times!!!  Have  a great weekend everyone!!!

 

                   
                   

                                           
           

Got this in an email today...kind of old, and I'm sure we've all read
it at least once, but today, I think it needs read again...

For all my favorite mothers.

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers 

in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and 

cherry Kool-Aid saying, "It's okay honey, Mommy's here."

Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies 

who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their 

hair and milk stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make

cookies and sew Halloween costumes. And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. 

And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes.

This is for the mothers whose priceless art

collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors.

And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at
football

or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars, so
that

when their kids asked, "Did you see me, Mom?" they could say, "Of
course, I

wouldn't have missed it for the world," and mean it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids

in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet
and

scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to

ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and
explained

all about making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to,
but

just couldn't find the words.

This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can eat.

For all the mothers who read "Goodnight, Moon" twice a night for a year.

And then read it again. "Just one more time."

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their

shoelaces before they started school. And for all the mothers who opted
for

Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their

daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little
voice

calls "Mom?" in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are
at

home -- or even away at college.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach

aches assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get

calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick
them

up. Right away.

This is for mothers whose children have gone astray,

who can't find the words to reach them.

This is for all the step-mothers who raised another woman's child or

children, and gave their time, attention, and love... sometimes totally

unappreciated!

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14
year

olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the

mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of
their

TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school,
safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful,
and

now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good Mother anyway?

Is it patience?

Compassion?

Broad hips?

The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt,
all

at the same time?

Or is it in her heart?

Is it the ache you feel when you watch your son or daughter disappear
down

the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes you from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M.
to

put your hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when you just want to

hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in your home?

Or the need to flee from wherever you are and hug your child when you
hear

news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for
young

mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation...

And mature mothers learning to let go

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us. Hang in there.

In the end we can only do the best we can.

Tell them every day that we love them.

And pray.



Home is what catches you when you fall - and we all fall."


 
 

FIRST and foremost...note ticker to the right above....yup, it's my
birfday.  And I need to get my hair colored...all this humid/rainy
weather is making JUST the gray hair frizz.  Nice. And I'm only
34, doggone it. Had a fantastic birthday, by the way...Started on
Sunday - my pretend birthday.  Pretend, because my daughter wasn't
going to be here for my birthday and she was absolutely heart broken
that she couldn't share it with me, so I moved it. Bro in law and sis
in law also came, and we went out to dinner, then came back and did the
silly string war...not so much fun to clean up...think that should have
been one of my presents is the cleaning after!!  Presents I DID
receive:  HUGE hugs from both children...loved that...Jason made
me breakfast in bed (with dad's help) (Jess was at the church musical
for the first service-we caught up with that for 2nd service...will
talk more about that later)...Jess bought me (with her own money, mind
you) one of those willow tree figurines you find at Hallmark-the one
with the mom and the blonde girl...LOVED it...and Jason got me a dong-y
wind chime. (I have a tink-a-linka wind chime and a ding-y wind
chime...I'm sure there's someone out there who's understanding what the
heck I mean!) And my husbands gift...umm...that's a little X rated...
  So that was Sunday...today my wonderful friend took me out to
lunch (THOUGH SHE WASN'T SUPPOSED TO PAY!!!), and then for dinner my
sis and her kids took me out....so NO COOKING FOR ME TODAY!!! 
Yeehah!  Wonderful birthday....

Haven't posted in a little while...been busy...let's go back to lunch
with my friend last Thursday...the older one?  She is SO
awesome.  Just the nicest lady possible, I think..and so
upbeat.  ANYWAY...do you know what she did?  I'll tell
ya.  She got me a birthday gift/nice gift....she handed me this
bag and told me that she thinks I'm such an inspiration to her and
others, and that when she talks to me it makes her day brighter!!!! HOW
awesome of a compliment is that????  Best one someone could
possibly get, as far as I'm concerned...I almost bawled, I'll tell ya
that!  And it was one of those Hallmark willow trees...an angel
with it's arms crossed, sign language love...isn't that the
greatest?  Still makes me all bubbly inside...

Friday night went and saw Hairspray at the Fox Theater with the Girl
Scouts...it was alright...couldn't hear too well, though...never knew
that play was political...tried to watch the movie once and just
couldn't get through the giggly dancy parts...good ending!!!

Sunday morning was the K-6th grade musical at the church..."King of the
Jungle"...it was GRRRRREAT!!!!  (hee hee)  The set was
AMAZING, the costumes were AMAZING and the kids were
AMMMAAAZZIING!!!!  Costumes were all done by one lady, and let me
tell ya folks, they looked absolutely professional...and the set...holy
cow....our Pastor hand painted the entire jungle mural up there, lions,
monkeys, you name me a jungle animal, it was there...VERY COOL...these
are some gifted people, friends....and the kids...OH they were SOOO
cute!!!  Gonna have to buy the tape when it comes availiable,
'cause we couldn't find our charger, but took LOTS of pics....have to
have my buddy help me again when I get them developed...  And, yes, my daughter was extra fantastic...OF COURSE! 

Speaking of my poor daughter...she left this morning at 6:45 a.m. for
this thing her school does every year called Touch of Nature. 
Groups of kids leave for 3 days/nights to this campground that's 2
hours away...usually LOTS OF FUN...Forecast for the next 3 days...rain,
rain, thunderstorms, wind, and more rain.  And yes, they still do
everything on the schedule that was planned regardless of
weather.  Thankfully they put rain poncho on the list of
necessities to bring, along with 3 pairs of shoes...I just hope she's
warm enough and not to miserable....here I am worrying, and she's
probably having a total blast!  (or she's curled up crying,
wanting to be home in her nice dry, warm, bed!)  AACCKK!!!  That hurts my heart to think that...I'm sure she's fine, right? 

Hmm...what else has been happening?  Not alot, I don't
think.....guess I'll just update my shows:  (guess I should
probably go watch them first...did watch AI last night, but have not
seen the results show yet...)
BUT:  Taylor Hicks ROCKS!!! And so does Chris!!!!  So do you
think this will be our final 2?  Catherine screwed up BIG time
last night...I'm sorry, but when I watch the results and that girl
hasn't been booted, that's just WRONG...you CANNOT forget your lyrics
at this stage in the game...no way.  And I do love her...she's a
FANTASTIC singer, but with this level of talent up there now, there's
just NO room for mistakes...

'K...gonna go watch my AI and Amazing Race (maybe...unless I fall
asleep...) will try to either comment about those tonight or maybe
tomorrow morning...g'night all! (maybe)

EDIT:
Oh. My. Gosh......just finally watched the
results for AI...WHAT?????  That is SUCH BS...even Katherine had
it written all over her face she thought it should have been
her....What were the voters thinking?  (yeah, I didn't vote...but
it would have been for Taylor anyway)  Ugh...I'm irritated
now...I'm afraid to go watch my hippies on Amazing Race now....PLEASE
don' t let them have lost...and DON"T tell me otherwise until I post
about it, PLEASE?! 
                                                               

      
Zero to 200

A couple had been debating the
purchase of a new auto for weeks. He wanted a new truck. She wanted a
fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around
town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck, but
everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range.

"Look!"
she said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in 4 seconds or
less. And my birthday is coming up. You could surprise me."

So, for her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom scale.

Services
will be at Downing Funeral Home on Monday the 12th. Due to the
condition of the body, this will be a closed casket service. Please
send your donations to the "Think Before You Say Things To Your Wife
Foundation," Dallas, Texas.

OUCH!

And speaking of ouch...here's another funny!!!

> THIS IS ABSOLUTELY THE FUNNIEST STORY YET !!

> Stun gun....... ONLY A GUY WOULD DO THIS.

> 

> Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife.  This was submitted by

> a guy who purchased his lovely wife a "pocket Taser" for their

> anniversary.

> Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my

> interest.  The occasion was our 22nd anniversary and I was looking for a

> little something extra for my wife Toni.  What I came across was a 100,000

> volt, pocket/purse-sized taser.  The effects of the taser were suppose to

> be

> short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing

> her adequate time to retreat to safety.... WAY TOO COOL!

> 

> Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.  I loaded two

> triple A batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button.  Nothing!  I

> was

> disappointed.  I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed

> it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arch of

> electricity darting back and forth between the prongs.  Awesome!!!

> Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Toni what that burn spot is on the

> face of her microwave.

> 

> Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it

> couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-a batteries,. right?!!!

> There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting

> little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really

> needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target.  I must

> admit

> I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought

> better of it.  She is such a sweet cat.  But, if I was going to give this

> thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some

> assurance that it would work as advertised.  Am I wrong?

> 

> So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses

> perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, taser

> in another.  The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and

> disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle

> spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would

> purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of

> water.

> 

> 

> Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

> All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5"

> long,less

> than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and loaded with two

> itsy,

> bitsy triple-a batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

> 

> What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best.....

> I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one

> side

> as to say, "don't do it master," reasoning that a one-second burst from

> such

> a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad..  I decided to give

> myself a one-second burst just for the heck of it.  I touched the prongs

> to

> my naked thigh, pushed the button, and HOLY MOTHER, WEAPONS OF MASS

> DESTRUCTION@!@$@$%!@ *!!!

> 

> I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up

> in

> the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and

> over again.  I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position,

> with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles

> nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest

> position, and tingling in my legs.  The cat was standing over me making

> meowing sounds I had never heard before, licking my face, undoubtedly

> thinking to herself, "do it again, do it again!"

> 

> Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a taser, one note

> of

> caution: there is no such thing as a one-second burst when you zap

> yourself.

> You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by

> a

> violent thrashing about on the floor.  A three second burst would be

> considered conservative.

> 

> SON-OF-A-.. that hurt like hell!!!  A minute or so later (I can't be sure,

> as time was a relative thing at that point), collected my wits (what

> little

> I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape.  My bent reading glasses

> were on the mantel of the fireplace.  How did they up get there??? My

> triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching.  My face felt

> like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs.

> I'm still looking for my testicles?  I'm offering a significant reward for

> their safe return.

> 

> Still in shock,

> Tommy

Hey...if you haven't heard this song I have playing, give it a listen...tearjerker alert, though...

OK...busy busy busy...BUT I finally got my house relatively
clean.  I'm having a friend over from my swim class on Friday for
lunch...hubby's making fun of me 'cause she's so much older...ya know
what?  I don't care...when you find a friend, it doesn't quite
matter the package they're in.  And she is the NICEST lady...I
just love 'er...so I'm hauling her back here for lunch...gonna make
fried asparagus sandwiches.  Trust me, they're yummy....recipe for
those interested:

olive oil in pan to fry with
asparagus spears (ususally 4 will work for a sandwich)
couple slices of ham (Oscar mayer, whatever - thin is best)
couple slices of tomato
dill seasoning
garlic powder
flour tortillas
ceasar salad dressing

plop your asparagus in the olive oil, fry on med-high heat, sprinkle
with dilll and garlic..take out when you want them to be done - crispy,
not so crispy whatever you want
then put in your tomato, season same way, this doesn't take near as
long...watch them closely...take them out...do the same with the ham,
seasoning and all...meanwhile warm up your tortillas in the
microwave...once all ingredients are cooked, put everything on your
tortilla and put a little of that ceasar salad dressing on it...then
roll it up and enjoy!!!!  SO YUMMY!

My friend and I are scrapbookin' today...should be fun!!!

Quick update on my shows, then I gotta go...will also find a joke later

American Idol...boo!!! Bye Paris...she's too awesome, but we all know
she'll be getting oodles of offers for record deals...this won't hurt
her...Elliot needs to go, though...he just doesn't measure up to the
rest...

Amazing Race:  OK..I love the hippies as much as the next guy, but
I"m thinking the network doesn't want to lose them...how coincidental
that the only times they've had a non-elimination race is when the
hippies lose...hmmmm....I think the network knows that if they lose the
hippies too soon, they lose the viewers...they are totally making the
show entertaining...and I am so sick of MOJO....what is their issue,
anyway?  Got something against free spirits, ya tightwads? 
Get over it and be nice, for gosh sake!!

'K gotta go, or I'm gonna be late for class!!!

Not sure if I'm too late for the Kween's new assignment...write a letter to someone in your past, I believe it was...

Dear Chris,
   You bastard.  Never before in my life can I say I
truly hated someone, but you managed to provoke this
feeling...congratulations.  Now I only feel pity and revulsion for
you and the fact that you were ever in my life makes me nauseous. 
They only positive thing that came from you is that in trying to get
away from you, I had to join the military, where I met my now husband
and left you FOREVER...though there are still trust issues occasionally
left over from you.  Thanks for that.  I can't believe I ever
let myself fall that low in my self esteem and self worth for you to
take total control of my thoughts, feelings, body, and so on...every
thing I held dear to myself you crushed under your heel, hand, fist,
words...and I let you.  I'm finally beginning to forgive myself
for this...and I will teach my daughter to be on the look out for those
just like you, so she won't be side swiped by guys with your devilish
charm and good looks...for it was only on the surface with you,
Chris...you disgust me now.  Hopefully if I ever run into you
again, I can hold my head up high and look you in the eyes and let you
know how I feel...I can't guarantee I could.  Sad, right?  My
husband, however, might have something special for you...took him a
long time to get it through to me that I wasn't going to get hurt by
him...though there are some times when we argue that I will still run
and hide...a leftover from you...thanks again.  The smell of a
drunk makes me physically ill...though it does come in helpful to be
able to tell when someones been drinking...(I can even tell if you've
only had one drink), I can even smell drugs, and can see all signs of
drug use...you taught me to look for those signs quite well...if my
kids think they can ever hide anything like that from me, they have
another thing coming!   One thing I majorly regret...you were
my first.  You asshole.  If I could take ANYTHING back, that
would be it.  That wasn't for you.  I spent 1 1/2 years with
you...why?  WHY?  That's OK...I have a wonderful life now,
and I am so glad I got myself out of there...there are many women who
can't...so, goodbye, have a life, and hope you didn't mess anyone else
up...
       Me

Well....that got a little more intense then I really wanted to feel
again...f'ing jerk.  Let's go for a nicer letter this time...

Dear Grandma,
   I miss you.  I hate the fact that I had to miss your
funeral...I've never gotten to say a proper goodbye...though I talk to
you in my prayers, and I swear sometimes you say hello back...wish my
kids could have known you when I did...you were the coolest Grandma...I
loved going fishing with you down at the shady pond...you in your huge
fishing hat and your sit-upon...you taught me how to fish...going
swimming with you at the other pond - you floating in your great big
innertube, laughing...playing Upwords, scrabble on sunny afternoons
that were just too hot, catching the breeze while you sat in your
chair...eating the Lays potato chips in the little silver bags...you
playing the organ, teaching me to play...had my first kiss on your
doorstep, too...you knew when to be there and when not...I miss your
favorite shirt...the one with the cats up and down it...I miss your
Grandma smell...I miss your huge enveloping hugs that made everything
all better...I love you, Grandma, and I miss you...and I can't wait to
hug you again....
    Love, Me   

Well, these letters hurt.  Thanks Kween...very easy to write,
though, when the emotion is so there.  Great...emotional roller
coaster...very angry for the first one, and bawling like a big ol' baby
on the second.  I gotta go...maybe I'll get on again later...I'm
pretty raw right now...take care everyone!

                                       

OK....got done watching my shows tonight, so first things first...

American Idol:  I"ve decided Paula's officially on crack.
Actually, I decided this last night, but it was reiterated to me
tonight as they made us watch her cry AGAIN to that one guy..."you
moved me" blah blah...seriously, lady,
you've got some issues this season...and I LIKE Paula...but c'mon,
let's get real.  Kelly, sorry, but yes, it was time..when I saw
her up there with Paris, I was all set to be mad if Paris went
home...that would so be the popularity contest this ISN'T supposed to
be...Kelly has performed poorly the last 3 shows...it was more than her
time to go...and yes, I liked her too...how can you not?  But fair
is fair...

ACK.  it's 11:12 here at night...just got this freaky phone call
that has totally rattled me...some private name private number, which
usually signifies A's work...so this guy says "Melinda?" I'm "yes, can
I help you?" (but pissy, c'mon it's late! not to mention I"m on my
xanga time!)  he asks if I"m dating any one...I ask who is this,
he says it's a friend of A's work partner...he then asks why I'm not
out tonight, I ask who this is again...he once again says it's A's
partner, and says actually your secret admirerer....EWWWWWWW.  I
say goodbye then and hang up.  Freak.  Ugh...I feel yucky.
Yuck. Don't these wackos have anything better to do?  Yuck
again. 

BACK TO STUFF: (if there are many typos bear with me...when I get rattled I jumble)
AMAZING RACE:  Those hippies are AWESOME!!!  And WHY is Mojo
so dead set against them????  Boo to Mojo!!! I hope the hippies DO
yield them!!!  And sad to see Fran and her hubby get cut...that
was SO nice of them to give the hippies 20 bucks to start with...And
I'm sick of the frat boys...they've lost their entertainment
value...they need to go.

Today was interesting...went out for my normal workout...near the end I
get a page to come to the front desk...I poke my head out and there my
friend is in tears with her son...her middle son is having medical
issues and needed to go to the city for a possible operation...so WAY
stressed about that all day...but, so you all know, it all seems to be
OK, so far no surgery needed...just keep my friend and her son in your
prayers...
                  Hey, little guy....

                                     
My cats are being bad.  They're actually about to be drop-kicked
out of the door, if they're not careful.  One of those lovely
kitties left a couple of surprises around the house.  One right by
my bed, oh, about where my foot lands when I get up.  The only
thing I can figure is the stray cats around the neighborhood are
stalking around, and my kitties are trying to mark
territories...HOWEVER they should know this is not usually done with
poo.  Stupid cats.  Those same darn strays had a big cat
fight in my front door garden area and broke a few of my remaining
tulips down.  Grrr...
                                                        

I'm still all irritated by that phone call...wish I could tell hubby
right now and he could call B (his partner in crime)...but A pulled one
of his "long hauls" (meaning he hasn't stopped working since Monday
morning when he went in) and is now pulling a Rip Van Winkle on the
couch.  And he can stay there tonight, too...when he doesn't sleep
for so long, he snores constantly, grinds his teeth (LOUDLY, it wakes
me up with squeaking), and talks in his sleep too.  Not a fun guy
to have in the room with you.  Good thing we have a WAY comfy
couch! 

Well, my xanga buddies, I'm gonna sign off for tonight...I promised
myself I'd be asleep by at least midnight tonight, and it looks like
I'm gonna wind up breaking that one again...

Wrong Number

Several men are in the locker
room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one
of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation
ensues:

"Hello?"

"Honey, It's me."

"Sugar!"

"Are you at the club?"

"Yes."

"Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?"

"What's the price?"

"Only $1,500."

"Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much."

"Ahhh,
and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models.
I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a
really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we
bought last year..."

"What price did he quote you?"

"Only $60,000!"

"Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options."

"Great! Before we hang up, something else..."

"What?"

"It
might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account
and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and
I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The
one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront
property..."

"How much are they asking?"

"Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have that much in the bank to cover..."

"Well, then go ahead and buy it, but just bid $420,000, OK?"

"Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!"

"Bye."

The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know to whom this phone belongs?"

 
Well, if this isn't Chako...

The Feline Diet

Most diets fail because we
are still thinking and eating like people. For those us who have never
had any success dieting. Well now there is the new Miracle Cat Diet!
This diet will also work on humans! Except for cats that eat like
people -- such as getting lots of table scraps -- most cats are long
and lean (or tiny and petite). the Cat Miracle Diet will help you
achieve the same lean, svelte figure. Just follow this diet for one
week and you'll find that you not only look and feel better, but you
will have a whole new outlook on what constitutes food. Good Luck!

DAY ONE

Breakfast:
Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any flavor as long as it cost
more the .75 per can -- and place 1/4 cup on your plate. Eat 1 bite of
food; look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the floor. Stare
at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other room.

Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw it back up on the cleanest carpet in your house.

Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.

Bedtime
snack: Steal one green bean from your spouse's or partner's plate. Bat
it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator. Steal one
small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half on the
sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you opened
this morning.

DAY TWO

Breakfast: Picking up the
remaining chicken bite from the sofa. Knock it onto the carpet and bat
it under the television set. Chew on the corner of the newspaper as
your spouse/partner tries to read it.

Lunch: Break into the
fresh French bread that you bought as your part of the dinner party on
Saturday. Lick the top of it all over. Take one bite out of the middle
of the loaf.

Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it
into the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half
dead. Allow it to escape under the bed.

Dinner: Open a fresh
can of dark-colored gourmet cat food -- tuna or beef works well. Eat it
voraciously. Walk from your kitchen to the edge of the living room rug.
Promptly throw up on the rug. Step into it as you leave. Track
footprints across the entire room.

DAY THREE

Breakfast:
Drink part of the milk from your spouse's or partner's cereal bowl when
no one is looking. Splatter part of it on the closest polished aluminum
appliance you can find.

Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it
into the house. Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make
sure the bird is seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it
for someone else to have to deal with.

Dinner: Beg and cry
until you are given some ice cream or milk in a bowl of your own. Take
three licks/laps and then turn the bowl over on the floor.

FINAL DAY

Breakfast:
Eat 6 bugs, any type, being sure to leave a collection of legs, wings,
antennae on the bathroom floor. Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and
all of the water up on your spouse's or partner's pillow.

Lunch:
Remove the chicken skin from last night's chicken-to-go leftovers your
spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin across the
floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.

Dinner:
Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food. Select a flavor that is
especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in Gravy. Lick off all the
gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get hard.

Aren't cats great???