Alright, I guess I'm hopping on the bandwagon....I'm sick now,
too.  That durn "my head weighs 20 lbs and I think most of it's in
my sinuses" thing...my throat is all scratchy, and I know this will
eventually go into my chest.  Jess stayed home from school today,
too, popping Motrin for her head.  Jason SAYS he has a
headache...he very well could, but it's also his leader day at
preschool, and I don't think he'd care if he was in a body cast...that
boy would want to go for leader day!

Good weekend...Friday night my hubby went into work, Jess went to a
friends sleepover birthday party, so me and Jas were going solo...then
sis calls, says her 2 eldest were at different sleepovers too, want
some company?  So she came over with her youngest (who just turned
6) and Jas and A played all night...that was nice...I like it when sis
gets to come over and just hang...when she has all the kids, it just
gets too noisy and rambunctious for me.  Jess and her boy, big A,
(who's 10) love to wrestle, then big sis of A's cheering them on, and
of course, little one's want to pile in on the fun...just too much.
                                           

Saturday made Jess's cake for her birthday party...it looked so
pretty!  I had no real design when I started, but it turned out
quite well, if I do say so myself!  The bottom layer was a full
9X13, and the top was just a little smaller...iced the bottom layer
chocolate brown, the top layer strawberry pink...put brown splotches
all around the edge of the pink on top, wrote HB Jess in brown icing,
then drew a little daisy in the empty space with a chocolate kiss for
the center of the daisy.  Then I sprinkled chocolate curly flakes
on the whole thing.  Looked nice...she really likes that whole
brown/pink color combo...then we had Jess's bday party...SO fun...had
it at a nearby town's rec center...great pool area.  Had a
fantastic blonde moment, too.   
Lonelystarsabove, you know what I'm talking about here, I saw you used
them for your daughters cake too!  I got these SUPER cool candles,
the flame changes color...very neat.  Well, I kinda didn't read
any directions for them...just smacked them on the cake, with what
looked like the wick being up.  There were also a few normal
candles too...so we're lighting and we're lighting, and having a heck
of a time trying to get those magic candles to stay lit, and they
were'nt changing color!  We're thinking, man, what a ripoff! 
So Jess finally blows out her candles, QUICK, 'cause the magic ones
were actually staying lit for a second.  After all the girls went
back down to swim, I was cleaning up, and thought to finally read the
directions on the box...oh my. 
Turns out, I put them in the cake upside down, and we were lighting the
PLASTIC bottoms of the PROPANE canisters of the candles!  It's
amazing that #1:  they actually lit for a second #2:  we
didn't explode the cake!!!  So, we flipped the candles, and lit
them the right way...they are pretty when you do it right! 
We then come home from the birthday party, and all the girls hung out
at my house for a few hours, with one staying the night...and bless my
hubby, he stayed at home with all the kids, and I went to my churches
trivia night!  Where my table came in so dead last, we could have
doubled our score and STILL come in last!  
But WE had so much fun!!!!  Some of those tables are just WAY to
serious about this stuff.  I say, if you're going to do something,
do it all the way, right?  Who needs to come in 5th, 8th, 10th
place?  Stand out, I say!

Sunday, Jess's friend left, and then Jess went to ANOTHER friends house
to work on a God and Church project...then she came home and we played
Karoake Revolutions for the rest of the day!  Fun...she's not used
to having competition on that game, she normally rules...I kicked her
butt the first round!!! YEAGH! Then the second, she skunked me. 
Then, go figure, she starts feeling sick...let's see...sleepover Fri.
night with swimming, swimming party, then sleepover Sat night, friends
house Sunday.  Note to self:  that's too much...no more
double sleepover weekends!

Well, think that's enough to read yet?  Whew!  Show me the funny!!!

Ironing accident

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor.

The doctor asked her "What happened?"

She answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang, but instead of
picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to
my ear."

"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But what happened to your other ear?"

"The son of a gun called back."

Submitted by Yisman
Edited by Curtis

Edit: Does anyone know how I can put a color block behind my tickers?  You can't see them very well right now...

                                              
Update on the dad situation...thanks all for the concern....you all are
AWESOME!!!!  I love my xanga buddies! *hugs for all*

OK...this is just crap.  The dad thing. Tuesday night my mom and
dad stay in the hospitals hospitality room so that he could get checked
in first thing Wednesday morning...he was 3rd in the line up with
priority.  Now, of course my Dad has a bad back (duh, he's getting
surgery on it), but my mom just has a bad body. So the nights stay was
NOT a good one for either...so a little on into the day, my mom is in
major pain, so my dad sends her home-she's stressing him out.  Oh,
and it's a 3 1/2 hr drive back home from the hospital.  So, no
worries, mom drives back home, in pain, and takes major pain meds to
help...4:30 I call, ask how surgery went, she says, no idea, no one's
called yet.  At 5:30 my brother calls me, (I got the message at
6:00-I was at church) says that the hospital didn't have time to get to
my dad's surgery today, nor does he have his wallet or anything to pay
for a place to stay, can someone come get him please?  WHAT????  
So I called my bro back at 6, he said he wasn't able to help out my
mom, try calling to see if she's still home...I call, nope she already
left to drive another 3 hours to pick up my dad.  (She did get the
neighbor to drive her, don't worry...however, she had no business
trying to sit in a car again for 3 hours that day!!!)  My dad, of
course, is FURIOUS!  This is the man, that if they don't get his
cut of meat right in the deli goes off on them for a good 1/2 hour...he
researches every major decision he makes for days to make sure he gets
the absolute best deal...he's careful and methodical and can not stand
for incompetency.  Did I also mention he was a unit commander in
the Army?  So you get the kind of man he is...so anyway, the
hospital SAYS his surgery is rescheduled for next Tuesday...hmph, I
say. Wednesday is Jess's bday, and I told my sis I would be here for
that, she says, "I have nothing to say to that".  Gosh darn
it...one time I want to be selfish, be here for my daughters
birthday...Hey, I'd happily drive up there Tuesday, stay with my dad to
make sure he gets the surgery, then head back Tuesday night...and back
Thursday morning...costs a little more in gas, but c'mon...I don't
think I'm being selfish. That's a 3 hr drive too, by the way...they
live kinda close to the Lake of the Ozarks in Mo...I live St.
Louisish-Illlinois side.  Stupid hospital.  My friend said
that it was probably a good thing...God stepping in and saying "bad
night for this folks...let's try another day..."  OK, I guess if
God says so...

SO that's the news...thought I'd let you all know! 

Playing Doctor

The seven-year old told her mom, that a little  boy in her class asked her to play doctor. "Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What  happened, honey?" "Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then  double-billed the insurance company."

How to
Prepare for the Hospital

Now, going to the hospital is never a fun to begin with,
but with these tips you should be able to prepare for your
stay, and minimize the discomfort when you get there.

1. Lay nude on the front lawn and ask the weed man to probe
you with his applicator.

2. Drink a quart of Sherwin-Williams Eggshell One-Coat Coverage
Interior Flat White #2. Then have your child stuff his slinky
down your throat.

3. Put a real estate agent's 'Open House' sign on your front yard
and lie on your bed dressed in a paper napkin with straws stuck up
your nose.

4. Put your hand down the garbage disposal while practicing your
smile and repeating: "mild discomfort".

5. Set your alarm to go off every ten minutes from ten PM to seven
AM, at which times you will alternately puncture your wrist with a
Craftsman (squarehead) screwdriver and stab yourself with a knitting
needle.

6. Remove all actual food from the house.

7. With several strands of Christmas lights strung from a coat tree
and onto yourself, walk slowly up and down the hall.

8. Urinate into an empty lipstick tube.

9. Rub a bit of honey on your left buttock, drop your pants, go over
to a wasps nest, bend over and shake it just a bit.

10. Make sure that there is no toilet paper in your bathroom, eat a
bowl of cherries, and have your wife ignore you completely as you
plead for here to come and bring you a roll of the paper gold.

11.Call up your local cable company and insist that they charge you a
monthly fee every day of the week.

Have a good one everybody!!

                 
                         
                   
Hello all...I think this'll be a relatively short post...gotta pick up
the little guy soon, and frankly, my life is fairly boring...and I'm
good with that.

Went to the mall today with sis, got these cool magnetic earrings for
me...I seem to be allergic to everything else I put in my ear...yes,
even hypoallergenic...haven't tried 24k yet..I'm horrible at losing
earrings, and don't really want to lose something too expensive...had a
playdate with my new neighbor today too...gorgeous house, gorgeous
stuff....sigh...I haven't gotten over my military eclectic decorating
phase.  Our house still looks temporary, I think...she's been
there for 4 months, and it's already homey. I've been here 4
years.  Sad.  OH well, she seems super nice...and has a 10 yr
old daughter and a 5 year old son!!!  So perfect play ages for my
kiddos!  (she also has a 7 yr old and a 3 mth old
daughter)...great to have a neighbor to pal with again...

Dad had surgery this morning...mom hasn't called, so I guess that's
good news.  I'm going to keep her company tomorrow morning to
Friday night, then have to drive back here for Jess'  bday party
on Sat...then my sis takes over for the weekend, then sis in law takes
Mon, Tue, Wed, then I head back up Thur and Fri, sis for weekend, then
me Mon Tue and Wed...not sure if I'm gonna yank the little guy those
days yet or not from school...I don't want to leave him here to bounce
from person to person either.  I'll probably wind up taking
him...The Thursdays and Fridays no big deal...he only has school MTWand
TH anyway...eh, we'll see.

Yup, that's it...told ya not too much today!  Let's see what I can find funnywise today...

What Happens When You Have...

    1) Nothing to do

    2) A sharp knife

    3) A large lime

    4) A patient cat

    5) Too much tequila

    6) And it's football season?

You Get a Feline Football Player!

Really, I would NEVER think of doing this to my kitties...(hmm...where'd I put that paring knife?)    That kitty just does NOT look happy, does it? 

                   
                   
     

                                                 

 
I worked out today.  Swim aerobics...2 hours.  It's funny how
you feel so nice and light in the water, then you get out and
boom...you weigh a ton.  I didn't feel like it was that much of a
workout while I was in the water, but my body is feeling a little slow
now...so it must've done something for me!   
My low carb diet is not cruising as fast as I think it should...do I
cut out the Diet Dews? I've heard differing opinions on this one...let
me know what ya'll think.

This weekend was BUSY. Well, Saturday, anyway.  Back to back
birthday parties. Fun stuff...my poor daughter was on the go from 9:30
that morning...she's doing the God and Church with Girl Scouts and Sat
was also a service day...they helped out at the local food pantry, then
went and visited the Basilica here in St. Louis.  Then immediately
when she comes home, to McD's for our friends 4 yr old party, then
speed to Highland for my nieces' 12th bday party...when I put my son to
bed that night, I don't even think he rolled over before he fell
asleep!  And God help me with pre teen girls!  Jess isn't too
much into the boy scene yet (thank you God), but all the other girls
(S's friends...she goes to a different school than Jess) were all goo
goo over this life guard...he'd look up and wave, they'd scream, I'd
scream inside my head....I was one of these once?  Scary. 
Now, if it was Johnny Depp down there, I might join in! 

I think my son just doesn't care for school...to those of you browsing
from Kween of the Queens...I explained this problem in the post right
before this one if you're interested...I would love more opinions on
this too...anyway, so the teacher was worried about his fine motor
skills right?  Saturday, my hubby gets him on the computer, he's
directing that mouse left and right, all over the place, exactly where
he wants it...prints himself out a picture of a rocket ship, gets his
scissors, and cuts the rocket out perfectly.  Then, when we go to
write out C's bday card, he's all asking what letters to write, I tell
him, and he writes them VERY WELL...I think it's all a "what Jason
wants to do" thing.  Granted, he does need more practice
writing...he's 4. I dunno. 
  

Guess I'd better get to that Kween of the Queen's assignment...and I
really need to learn to link too! She's in my sub list...it's not
difficult to reach.  The assignment is to think of a movie that
has affected your life, tell the plot, and why?  Thought about
this one all weekend...CAme up with a couple:
The Lorax.  This is also a
book by Dr. Suess...also a fave book....Saw the movie when I was very
little, loved it so much, my mama got me the book.  Still have it,
it's just a little ratty looking....I prefer to call it well
loved.  It's about this guy, the Onceler, who finds a beautiful
forest of truffula trees...and decides to make sneeds, which, of
course, everyone needs. However, as he starts chopping trees, out pops
the Lorax, telling him to beware, for he's driving off the creatures
that live in the trees...the barbaloots, can't think of the others
right now...anyway, by the end, there's nothing left...pollution
everywhere, stumps, and ugliness, where before it was beautiful. The
Oncler is now living in a tower, and drops a truffula seed down to a
litlle boy, saying "unless".   See, goosebumps all over
me....I love this story.  Why does this affect me?  I think
it's a wonderful way to teach children that we have to take care of our
surroundings...it is up to us...even one person makes a difference...I
have the video, and read the story to my kids...

Next:  Dead Poets Society.  We
watched this movie in English class in High School...this one has the 2
major characters...the professor (Robin Williams), and Neil, a teenage
boy who is trying to figure out who he is...and his dad wants him to be
someone else.  Robin teaches the boys in the class to not be
afraid to be who they are, to give a barbaric YAWP to the world, to
dance, to read poetry...he gets Neil to try out for the play, Midsummer
Nights Dream...Dad shows up, yanks Neil from the school...Neil then
decides he can never be himself, Dad won't let him...so he commits
suicide with his fathers gun.  Very sad movie...but the main
lesson of the film was to stand up for yourself and who you are...with
Robin teaching them "carpe diem" ...live life.  I totally took
this movie to heart...you need to not care what the guy next to you
thinks if you're humming your own tune, if you are enjoying yourself
without hurting those around you, and being who you are, then you are
happy. 

'Nuff heavy stuff...on to the funny!
                     
Why did the chicken cross the road?:

PAT BUCHANAN: To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

DR. SEUSS: Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes! The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I've not been
told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be
free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

GRANDP A: In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road.
Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good
enough for us.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: What chicken?

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe it?

MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares
why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken 98, which will not only cross
roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance
your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

EINSTEIN: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTON: I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken please?

IMMANUEL KANT: The chicken was acting out of a sense of duty to cross
the road, as chickens have traditionally crossed roads throughout
history.

THE BIBLE: And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the
chicken, Thou shalt cross the road." And the chicken crossed the road,
and there was much rejoicing.

COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the
chicken did not cross the road. I don't know any chickens. I have never
known any chickens.
                                                         

Real Mothers . . .

Real Mothers don't eat quiche; they don't have time to makeit.

Real Mothers know that their kitchen utensils are probably in the sandbox.

Real Mothers often have sticky floors, filthy ovens and happy kids.

Real Mothers know that dried playdough doesn't come out of shag carpets.

Real Mothers don't want to know what the vacuum just sucked up.

Real Mothers sometimes ask "why me?" and get their answer when a little voice says, "because I love you best."

Real Mothers know that a child's growth is not measured by height or
years or grade . . . It is marked by the progression of Mama to Mommy
to Mom.
                         

Have a great week, folks...be you, and CARPE DIEM!!!

                                       

 
 

                                       

Oh-it looks normal again... Maybe they had enough people respond to it negatively and went back to the old web entry page!

Anyway...preschool teacher...now, don't get me wrong...I love this
woman. Very gentle, softspoken, and great with the kids.  She also
has her early childhood education degrees and has been in the preschool
field for years.  So she knows her job.  I have also been
working with preschool children for going on 9 years or so...I do not
have a degree, but I have done everything else but.  So anyway,
she starts off with telling me how bright Jason is, how inquisitive,
very impressed with his vocabulary...says he learns VERY quickly. 
I know this already. Yes, my kid IS awesome! Thank you. 
She says he's like a 6 year old...in a 3 year olds body.  Says his
gross motor skills just aren't there yet...and, of course, if you don't
have gross in, fine motor is still out too.  Which I don't get...I
can't get this child to be still...he's constantly running, jumping,
biking, climbing, etc....I dunno....I know his fine motor skills need
work.  Writing is horrible, scissor work is tedious...etc...and
she also said his emotional side is a little rough.  I know he
does still cry at the drop of a hat, it seems like sometimes, but he
has gotten ALOT better.  Yes, he does need reminders sometimes to
turn off the tears...today at play group I heard one of the girls call
him a crybaby.  This does not work.  So...fine motor skills
and emotional behavior...the first I can work on all summer, the
second: what am I supposed to do to "mature" him a little?  So
anyway, she recommended that I hold him back from kindergarten this
year.  That, or send him to this private kindergarten that's
supposed to be excellent in not so much structure and
explore-learning...and costs 300/month.  Gack...that's me
choking.  I told my friend here about it and she thinks she's off
the wall on the gross motor thing.  I kinda did too.  My
husband is in total denial, and thinks he should go ahead and
start.  I think I'm gonna go boot camp on him (Jason) and see what
we can accomplish between now and May, when all the school sign ups
start. I did find out that if you request it, you can go half day
kindergarten, rather than the full day...that's a big option, I
think. 

That's all the news today...so busy kickin' all that around in my head,
I wouldn't notice if anything exciting happened around me! 
Oooh...we did go to the park and play after playgroup today...picnic
and everything...how weird for January.  And Jess' ski trip got
cancelled by the ski place...supposed to storm today (but it
didn't...how disappointing for the kids).  So...talk to ya later!!!

Must be later...where do I put the codes if I want them up top?  I
tried putting them in that custom module place or whatever, and it
wound up going to the side here....

Hee...hee..hee..

A little kid asks his father, "Daddy, is God a man or a woman?"

"Both son. God is both."

After a while the kid comes again and asks, "Daddy, is God black or white?"

"Both son, both."

The child returns a few minutes later and says, "Daddy, is Michael Jackson God?"

WARNING:  The following joke is not G-rated!  If you don't like sexual humor DO NOT READ IT!!!!!!


wo old pensioners are taking a trip down memory lane by going back to the place where they first met.

Sitting at a café, the little old man says, "Remember the first time I
met you over 50 years ago? We left this cafe, went round the corner
behind the gas works, and I gave you one from behind."

"Why, yes, I remember it well, dear," replies the little old lady with a grin.

"Well, for old time's sake, let's go there again. and I'll give you one from behind."

The two pensioners pay their bill and leave the cafe. A young man
sitting next to them has overheard the conversation and smiles to
himself, thinking it would be quite amusing to see two old pensioners
at it. He gets up and follows them. Sure enough, he sees the two
pensioners near the gas works. The little old lady pulls off her
knickers and lifts up her dress.

The old man pulls down his pants and grabs the lady's hips, and the
little old lady reaches for the fence. Well, what follows is 40 minutes
of the most athletic sex the man has ever seen. The little old man is
banging away at the little old woman at a pace that can only be
described as phenomenal. Limbs are flying everywhere, the movement is a
blur, and they do not stop for a single second. Finally, they collapse
and don't move for an hour.

Well, the man is stunned. Never in his life has he ever seen anything
that equates to this -- not in the movies, not from his friends, not
from his own experiences.

Reflecting on what he has just seen, he says to himself, "I have to
know his secret. If only I could shag like that now, let alone in 50
years' time!"

The two old pensioners have by this time recovered and dressed
themselves. Plucking up courage, the man approaches the pensioner.

He says, "Sir, in all my life I have never seen anybody shag like that,
particularly at your age. What's your secret? Could you shag like that
50 years ago?"

The pensioner replies, "Son, 50 years ago, that  fence wasn't electrified."

                                                                                       

Is it just me or does the new weblog entry thing look different? 
Hunh.  Well, Jason is pretty busy right now with his buddy being
over, so I thought I might post a little bit...ah, you know I just
wanna play with the glitter pretties some more!  

Dinner was OK last night...EXPENSIVE though...when did Joes Crab Shack
get so costly?  Good grief!  We could have eaten someplace
fancy for the money we spent!  Jess said S wanted her to have her
birthday dinner there too...I"m thinking NO.  So Jess then picked
her favorite restaurant where they cook the food at the table right in
front of you, and do acrobatics with the eggs and stuff...I didn't
think I'd be able to low-carb it there very well, so she chose the
bowling alley!!!  Woohoo!  I'm sure I can't eat anything
there, either, but it certainly costs a little less!  I told her
if she can bring me a report card home that's solid A's, we will taker
her to that Japanese restaurant she wants to go to (cook at the table
place), and she can get anything her little heart desires.  She
said, "its on..."  So good.  Oh, and at JCS, they made S
stand up on a chair, and do the hula  complete with hula skirt and
coconut bra!!!  It was truly awesome!  I don't think she
could have turned a darker shade of red!  And I'm proud of myself,
too...I didn't cheat at all on my diet...yeagh me!  (I did pick
the breading off of the calamari...that's the only thing we ordered
that had breading on it)                 
                                                                                                           

Jess did her try-outs last night, too.  So she practiced this one
song for two weeks, right?  'Cause it's the solo she wanted. 
Well, they all had to sing one song, and it wasn't that one.  Oh
well...she listened to the music enough before the tryout, so she knew
that song, too, just not as well as the other one!  Plus the choir
director is her voice teacher, so she knows her ability already,
too. 
                                                                   
             
          

Jess's school has a field trip to go skiing tomorrow...I know we're in
Illinois...there's this place in Mo. that has some kind of ski
slope...I'm nervous as heck about it.  First of all, I HATE LONG
BUS RIDES.  ALOT.  I don't trust busses, and I don't trust
anyone I don't personally know driving my daughter around.  Is
that psycho?  A little neurotic, maybe...I can't help it...I
wanted to volunteer as a chaperone, but all the spots were already
taken....and you know what?  They won't even let the parents out
on the slope with the kids...they're supposed to wait at the
lodge!  I'm thinking perfect picture opportunities, great scrap
page, and wouldn't even be able to get a shot of her on skis! 
Crazy!  So I"m going to get her a little disposable for the day,
and hope for the best.  I told her to make sure she makes her
friends take a pic of her all gussied up...
                                                                                                    

I'm supposed to meet with Jason's preschool teacher after his school
today.  Sigh.  His teacher approaches me yesterday when I
pick him up and asks for a meeting to discuss how we can better ready
Jas for kindergarten next year...and then suggests maybe we get him in
something extra that helps burn off extra energy.  Sigh
again.  I know Jason is FULL of energy.  He's a VERY smart
boy, if you can teach him something  while being active, tactile,
or during play, it'll stick, no problem.  Boy knows shapes like
pentagon, hexagon, octagon (he does count the sides, too, to make
sure), rhombus, etc...No, he doesn't write very well...no, he doesn't
recognize a few of the ABC's (he does most of them, though-depends on
what he sees every day), and doesn't have the patience for alot of
cutting.  He does not like to sit still for very long, though he
can if he wants too...doing a puzzle, playdough, legos...he'll sit
there for forever to do these things.  But the boy is also
stubborn...I am a preschool teacher.  But this boy tests me. 
I've tried making letters with the playdough...he refuses and makes
what he wants...lets try sugar letters...didn't happen...I know most of
the tricks, people...and he's not playing.  What if she suggests
starting a year late?  I don't know how I feel about that. 
He's not ready right now, I don't think.  I know I haven't worked
near as hard with him as I did his sister, but she loved it.  She
was reading Junie B. Jones in kindergarten.  She was ahead of her
school age until about 4th grade...constantly got in trouble for
disturbing those around her, fidgeting, etc...she was bored to
tears.  So I kinda eased up on Jason...didn't want to go through
all the crap we got with Jess being bored in school.  Maybe I
shouldn't have.  I do wish kindergarten teachers or the school or
whatever powers that be would decide what they want.  Do they want
their kids to already know, recognize, and write their ABC;s or
not?  Sigh.   We'll see how it goes.  I'll let ya know.

Oops...gotta do the funny!

The husband had just finished reading the book, 'MAN OF THE HOUSE'. He
stormed into the kitchen and walked directly up to his wife. Pointing a
finger in her face, he said, "From now on, I want you to know that I am the
man of this house, and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet
meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous
dessert afterward. Then, after dinner, you are going to draw me my bath so I
can relax. And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me
and comb my hair?"

His wife replied, "The friggin' funeral director would be my guess."

                                                                                                                                         
...smooches!

                                     

I'm gonna be a silly person today and just kinda go crazy and
experiment with this site a little bit...bear with me, I must
play. 

Though I do have to say what a cool son I have.  He made a little
hideout in the pantry (closet under our stairs...rather large), to
include a lego TV he made, with guardian robots to watch the door...he
calls it "coolsville".  It includes everyone...at first he wanted
to make it for "boys only"...we straightened him out pretty fast on
that one...said if he wanted to make it for "Jason's only" he could,
but if he wanted sis to start pulling "girls only" stuff and exclude
him, we'll make sure she starts right away.  He immediately says
everyone can come in!    Sometimes it works.

Today is my niece S's birthday...we're going out to dinner at Joe's
Crab Shack...hope they have no/low carb options there!  S can be a
pain in the butt sometimes, to tell the truth.  She was born 2
weeks before Jess, and constantly holds that over her...no big deal,
every kid does that...however, she  got the same place Jess is
having her party for her birthday party, and flaunted the fact that her
party lasted longer...then my sis tells me she's thinking of changing
churches because S doesn't want to ever sing, because Jess is already
singing. She thinks she sounds awful next to Jess...so they're
switching churches....I dunno...I say if you wanna sing, SING....God
certainly doesn't care what you sound like.  So her dinner is
tonight, and our church is holding tryouts for the spring musical
tonight...with solos.  Jess of course, is all over this, has been
practicing the songs for weeks...I told sis I wasn't going to make Jess
choose which to do, dinner or tryouts, 'cause I know Jess would choose
dinner, just so she didn't hurt S's feelings, but she would be totally
heartsick for missing tryouts.  I think sis may have been a little
upset about that, but ya know, if it was some piddly-dink thing, I'd
have said, no problem, we'll be at dinner with bells on, but this is
HER THING.  I certainly wouldn't expect S to miss anything with
her swimming...that's her thing.  Idid arrange with the choir
director at church to let Jess be one of the first to audition, so we
could meet them for dinner a little late...hope it works out. 

Oh-and my mom calls last night and says my dad is getting back surgery
in the next couple of weeks.  He's getting pinned...apparently, a
couple of his discs are rubbing together so badly that it's about to
sever the nerve, the dr.s said either you get this surgery, or you lose
the use of your legs...so...between the 3 of us kids that live
relatively close, we should be able to split the care schedule. 
My mom thinks she can take care of him, but honestly she can barely
take care of herself right now.  I asked her, and if he wants a
cup of coffee, you're gonna hobble across the house and give it to
him?  She said, sure, I'll just up my pain pill dosage! 
Great.  I'm thinking we need to extend our care to my mom while my
dad's laid up in the hospital too!  Seriously, my parents are
falling apart. Sigh. And so it starts.

Watched War of the Worlds last night.  Relatively disturbing
movie. And man, that kid can ACT!  As can Tom Cruise, but he's
kinda nuts. 

Ya know, I got on here to play today...OK...gonna play now!
                                                                                               
  

                                                 

WOOHOO!!!  Promised myself I wasn't going to weigh in again until
Friday...stumbled on it this morning and found out I lost 4
POUNDS!!!  Yeagh!!!!  I guess I can skip eating breads for
this.  My plan is to get down to a normalish weight, then switch
to a Weight Watchers plan or something that's a little more
normal. 
                                                           

This weekend....not so exciting....went to see Hoodwinked on Saturday
with family...pretty cute movie.  Had the sight gags for the
little guy, and a little more complicated humor for my girl and
us.  3 3/4 stars for this movie (rating out of 5).  And I was
a dishonest person.  I snuck 2 diet dews and a bag of pork rinds
into the theater.  I did TRY to pull a little honesty and ask for
water...they said "that'll be $4.00 please" and I said in my mind "ha
ha screw you, I"m drinkin my diet dew!"...to their face, I said,
ummm...no thank you.  They certainly don't have anything for
dieters on the menu there. 
 
Sunday night Jess went to a Girl Scout sleepover at the local roller
rink...they had to decorate a roller skate up Mardi-gras style.  I
wish I could show it to you...it looks SO good!!! She got honorable
mention for it....she painted it all white, made the stopper into a
tongue, MADE a face mask for it, and an  all green, yellow, and
purple feather hat, then strung the beads around it, and glittered the
"face".  Looked awesome. The GS leaders daughter didn't seem to
happy to see it...hers was kind of a rushed job (poor kid has SO MUCH
going on), and she told Jess we weren't supposed to go overboard on
it...then her mom/leader walked in and totally gushed over it. 

Monday evening was FANTASTIC...B's mom (see previous post) works at a
nursing center in the alzheimers unit.  She thought it would be a
great idea if she got some of the girls together to go visit some of
her residents.  We did, and I went with.  I've forgotten how
MUCH I love to work with the elderly, though it was hard not to be a
little sad for the alzheimer residents.  There was one lady, a
teacher for 32 years, taught 2nd grade...she told me all about her
students and what they'd do, she even helped me out when we were trying
to sing some songs for them...she knew the words...would she remember
us tomorrow?  No.  Which is what I told the girls in the
car...they were feeling VERY sad because they thought these people had
no memories, how do we relate?, etc....I said, yeah, they probably
won't remember you an hour after you walk out the door, but ya know
what?  For that time you were there, they enjoyed the heck out of
you, and you brought smiles to some faces.  You made them happy
RIGHT THEN.  It was just great...I can't say enough how much fun
it was.  I'm thinking along with getting my early childhood
education degree (for teaching preschool/kindergarten ages), that I
might get a side of maybe an activites director or something where I
get to get alot of one on one with the elderly...they have alot to
say.  Way back when I got out of high school, I worked in a
nursing home or two...loved the heck out of it, though there were parts
I could have done without...mostly dealing with the coworkers who
considered it a job.  Was actually working on getting my CNA
before I joined the military and was considering going the full nursing
route...still not sure what I want to do when I grow up.  Little
guys or old guys...hmmmm....

Update on B, by the way...what happened is her teen brother was
supposed to be watching her...decided he was going to entertain others
instead...they hid the phone so she couldn't call mom and tell, and
then blocked the door so she couldn't get to the payphone outside, so
she decided to try to go out the fire escape.  Where she promptly
fell and broke an arm and a leg.  I would kill her brother,
personally.  Holy cow.  So Jess is DEFINITELY not allowed
over when brother is present. 

I've got to get Jason fed, dressed, and off to preschool....there's
more to tell about other issues, but maybe that'll just mean more than
one post this week!!!

The
Nursing Home
At
the Nursing Home a man took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it
out. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisle way and went to talk
with the administrators.
The
old man started to tilt slowly toward the left. A Doctor came by and said,
"Let me help you." The Doctor piled several pillows on the left side of
the old man so he would stay upright.
The
older man started to tilt slowly to the right. An orderly noticed and put
several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright.
The
old man started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows
in front of him. About this time, the son returned.
"Well,
Dad, isn't this a nice place."
The
old man replied, "I guess it's ok, but they won't let me fart."

Old Wisdom

After working his farm every day, an old farmer rarely had
time to enjoy the large pond in the back that he had fixed up years
earlier with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, and benches. So one
evening he decided to go down and see how things were holding up. Much
to his surprise, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he
came closer he saw it was a group of young women skinny dipping in his
pond.

He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to
the deep end. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out
until you leave."

The old farmer replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you
ladies swim or make you get out of the pond naked. I only came down to
feed the alligator."

Moral: Old age and treachery will always triumph over youth and skill.

Just found a couple of neat quizzes...if you want the link, go to troydetmer 's site (listed on my subs)
        

                                     

A people loving Macedonian dwarf?  "k...cool.  Here's the other one:

                                     

'K....though I think they could have picked a different movie!  That one made me sick I was so upset...

Hunh. I need a new scale.  My scale fluctuates up and down +- 10
lbs...but the last 2 days it seems to want to pick a weight and stay
with it...I'm not fond of the weight it's trying to tell me. 
Therefore, it's getting chucked.  Let that be a warning.  Lie
to me constantly, then try to tell me the truth, I'm not gonna believe
it, I'm gonna toss ya, and get a new one.  Yeah, so there. 

YESTERDAY was quite a day. Wednesdays are gogogo anyway...starting at
7:30 getting my daughter to before school choir practice. Then my
friend brought over her son so they could play for awhile...and they
didn't do anything bad!!!  That's an exciting thing.  These
are the boys who took sis' puzzle and threw it around the room, ate
poke berries in the back yard, trap the kitties...yesterday they made
tents and played bad guys.  They don't play good guys...it's bad
guys. I'm trying to tell myself its their way of dealing with something
scary...just like when preschoolers pretend about death, monsters,
etc...it makes bad guys alot less scary if they can be one. 
Right?  Just say yes.  So anyway, while little N is here, my
hubby calls and tells me his car is broken down about 30 min away, can
I please work the issue he has very important meetings all day. 
OK...shouldn't be a problem...his friend who sold him the car picked
him up (he was only 5 minutes away from work...he just stopped to pick
up cigarettes at a gas station) and said he thought it was the timing
belt.  SO...I drop Jason off at preschool at 12:15, then call the
insurance company, towing company, etc....I get out to where his car is
and wait until 2:15, when the tow guy finally shows up...have to
call  my friend to pick up Jason from preschool, 'cause there's no
way I'm gonna make it back in time, and I sometimes help one of my
neighbors down the street if she can't make it home on time, I help get
her autistic high schooler off the bus and wait with him til she gets
home...today of course was one of those days I said I'd help out...so
had to scurry to find someone to meet him just in case I didn't get
there in time..thank goodness, my sister could, but she could only wait
for 15 minutes...she had a student to tutor at 3:30...LONG STORY SHORT
today was not a good day for him to break down and have me take care of
it.  SO the tow truck guy gets there, asks what the problem was,
told him the timing belt, he said do me a favor and try to start
it...so I did, he said press on the gas a few times, then try again...I
did, car started...he said in mustangs, sometimes in cold weather they
just don't wanna start, not a really fixable kind of problem, just let
it run a little bit...so Idid, he comes back a few minutes later, says
go ahead and shut it off, let me try to start it, make sure you're
ok.  He starts it, it runs a second, shudders, and dies.  He
looks at me, chuckles, and tells me, I know what your problem is...I'm
all "what?"  he says...are you ready? "YOU"RE OUT OF GAS!!!!"  
Did I mention the car died at the gas station?  So I'm running
around like a chicken with my head cut off, 'cause my husband ran out
of gas!!!  At a gas station.  5 minutes away from his
work.  So I race back home, barely make it in time to pick up the
autistic boy (JD), race to my friends house to pick up Jason, then race
to pick up daughter at piano at 4:00.  Hubbie calls at 4:30
wanting a ride from his work to his car, he wants to make sure it'll
run, so must run back out to this place, and get back by 6:00 'cause
Jess has church choir practice.  I was SO sick of being in that
stupid car yesterday, you have no idea.  Out of
gas...sheesh. 

The issue with my daughter...it's kind of a toughie.  It's not
her, it's a situation around her.  One of those down the line
reputation by association deals.  My daughter is a GREAT
kid...can't say that enough...very kind heart, sweet soul...often the
peace maker.  WELL, when we lived on the other side of town, she
was in 1st grade, and the neighbor across the street had a 1st grader
too...let's call her B.  They had just moved here from
Vegas...messed up story-her dad was shot to death by her uncle while
she was in the next room.  SO...that's her background.  So
she's going to school with Jess, sweet girl, they become good
friends.  Then we move, and B goes to Catholic school.  So
they don't see each other...'til this past summer, and I know I've
written about her before...she's the one who wears make-up, tight
clothes, and is allowed to bike all over town.  (she's 11) 
Hangs at the pool all summer with her teenage brothers and their
friends, etc...Not a good scenario.  Oh-and her teenage brothers
are punks in a big way...I believe Jess just told me one got thrown in
jail last week.  ANYWAY...B is in school this week one arm broken,
and one leg broken.  Jess has told me there are rumors flying
around like crazy about this girl...she broke 'em cause she got drunk
at a party and fell out a window, she broke 'em
'cause she was teasing a boy (you know what I mean) and he got angry,
etc. etc.  What she told Jess was she couldn't go out the door,
and was trying to go down the fire escape and fell...I'm wondering
"hmmm...was she trying to sneak Out?"  There were already rumors
flying around this girl before this even happened...virgin or not,
possible druggie, etc.  Me and Jess know that B is really a sweet
girl, VERY messed up family, KNOW for a fact she's not into the drug
scene...can't even stand the smell of cigarettes.  I would like to
think she's not sexually active, but honestly that's possible.  So
here's the situation...I told Jess I applaud her for wanting to stick
by her friend...it's important that she sees the true B, and not all
the crap surrounding her.  Not to mention, that now, more than
ever, B NEEDS people to stick by her, or she WILL turn into what the
rumors say.  The odds are definitely stacked against the
girl.  Then I told her that the flip side of that coin, is the
reputation by association deal.  Not now maybe, but eventually,
it's quite  possible that hanging out with B is gonna earn her the
same rep...whether or not she's a good girl or not.  Spending the
night at her house, double dating...it just spells trouble.  This
is when parenting really starts being hard work.  I'm not going to
tell her who she can be friends with or who she can't.  That's her
choice.  What I CAN do is armor her with love, respect, and a good
sense of values and morals.  And be there for her to bounce ideas
and problems off of.  God help me.  Please watch over my
little girl...it's a crazy world for younguns out there. 

EDIT:  can you believe I forgot to leave you a joke?  Good grief...what was I thinking????

Subject: Don't Mess With Grandma

DON"T MESS WITH GRANDMA... (This is a true story!)
An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and, upon
returning to her car, found four males in the act of
leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping
bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at
the top of her voice, "I have a gun, and I know how
to use it! Get out of the car!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation.
They got out and ran like mad. The lady, somewhat shaken,
then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back
of the car and got into driver's seat. She was so shaken
that she could not get her key into the ignition.  She
tried and tried, and then it dawned on her why.

A few minutes later, she found her own car parked four or
five spaces farther down. She loaded her bags into the car
and drove to the police station. The sergeant to whom she
told the story couldn't stop laughing.

He pointed to the other end of the counter, where four
pale men were reporting a car jacking by a mad, elderly
woman described as white, less than five feet tall,
glasses, curly white hair, and carrying a large handgun.
No charges were filed.

If you're going to have a Senior Moment, make it a
memorable one.

Think I should have told my husband this one!

Ho hum...now that's an exciting way to start an entry, right? 
Makes ya want to dive right in.  Yawn.  Hubbies up in bed,
nothing's on TV, caught up on my TiVo, don't wanna clean, and not ready
for bed yet.  So I"m gonna bore YOU.  And me. 

Day 5 of the diet.  I'm not svelte yet. 

Got some cool socks today at Hallmark...you know those chenille ones?
These are pretty pink, purple and blue striped...reminds me of Easter
eggs on my feet...and so cozy too. 
They also had this terrific sale on their Christmas items...12.95
angels at 75% off...and of course, being Hallmark, they were
gorgeous...can even use them as year round decor if I so choose...

I'm putting myself to sleep...nice. My daughter is having an issue with
one of her friends.  I'll go into it another time...too fuzzy
headed right now for clarity.

Saw this on Nklyeva's site...

• A IS FOR AGE : 33
• B IS FOR BOOZE OF CHOICE : Mudslides!  or that yummy apple wine cooler
• C IS FOR CAREER : Mom
• D IS FOR DAD'S NAME : Jerald Michael
• E IS FOR ESSENTIAL ITEMS TO BRING TO A PARTY:   humor
• F IS FOR FAVORITE SONG OF THE MOMENT: Jesus Take the Wheel
• G IS FOR FAVORITE GAME: Hullabaloo....I'm such a preschool mama!
• H IS FOR HOMETOWN : Dixon, Mo.
• I IS FOR INSTRUMENTS YOU PLAY: flute...and I pretended to play french horn for a full year in Band!
• J IS FOR JAM OR JELLY YOU LIKE : apple butter 
• K IS FOR KIDS: Two...3 if you count the old guy.
• L IS FOR LIVING ARRANGEMENTS : own house...but not our final one
• M IS FOR MOM'S NAME : Edith L.
• N IS FOR THE NAME OF YOUR PET : Kitties:  Chako, Kiya, and Callie
• O IS FOR OVERNIGHT HOSPITAL STAYS: birth of my kiddos...
• P IS FOR PHOBIAS : anything that could possibly really hurt my kids.
• Q IS FOR QUOTES YOU LIKE: read my tag line...
• R IS FOR RELATIONSHIP THAT LASTED THE LONGEST : Hubby 12 almost 13 years on Feb 18!
• S IS FOR FAVORITE SODA : Diet Dew!
• T IS FOR TIME YOU WAKE UP: 6:45, 7:45, then if I'm lucky after 9:00
• U IS FOR UNDERWEAR : those sexy grannie panties!!! Woohoo!
• V IS FOR VEGETABLE YOU LOVE: seaweed
• W IS FOR WEAPON OF CHOICE : kindness, if that doesn't work, a good swift kick.
• X IS FOR XRAYS YOU'VE HAD: teeth, hand, elbow, leg, head, feet, knee, and chest. (not boobs...lungs)
• Y IS FOR YUMMY FOODS YOU MAKE : I'm a durn good cook...it's all yummy!
• Z IS FOR ZODIAC SIGN : Taurus

Eh...I'm done...good night...I"ll try to find a funny first....
Found one...pretty sure I DON'T want to do this plan....NOT A SQUEAKY CLEAN JOKE...WARNING!

Weight Loss Plan

    Did you hear about the guy who had tried every diet in the
world in an attempt to lose weight? He tried the Scarsdale diet, the Navy diet,
Weight Watchers, etc. and none worked. He was reading the paper one day when he
noticed a small ad that read, "Lose weight $1.00 a pound." 
And it simply listed a telephone number.
    Having little to lose the man called the number. A voice on
the other end asked, "how much weight do you want to lose?"
    To which the man responded, "ten pounds."
    The voice replied, "very well, put you check in the mail
and we'll have a representative over to your house in the morning."
    About 9:00 A.M. the next morning the man gets a knock on the
door. There stood a beautiful redheaded woman, completely naked except for a
sign around her neck stating, "if you catch me you can screw me".
    Well the overweight fellow chased her upstairs, downstairs,
over sofas, through the kitchen, all around the house. Finally he did catch her
and when he was through  enjoying himself, she said,  "quick, go
into the bathroom and weigh yourself!"  He did just that and was
amazed to find that he had lost ten pounds, right to the ounce!
    That evening he called the number again.  The voice on
the other end asked, "how much weight do you want to lose?"
    To which the somewhat less overweight man replied,
"twenty pounds". 
    "Very well", the voice on the phone told him, 
"put your check in the mail and we'll have a representative over to your
house in the morning."
    At about 8:00 A.M. the next morning the man receives a knock
on the door. When he opens the door he sees a beautiful blonde dressed only in
track shoes and a sign around her neck stating, "if you catch me you can
screw me".  The chase took awhile longer this time but the man finally
did catch her.
    When he was through she told him, "quick, run into the
bathroom and weigh yourself!"  He ran to the bathroom and found he had
lost another 20 pounds!
    "This is fantastic!" He thought to himself.
    Later that evening he called the number again and the voice
at the other end asked,
"how much weight do you want to lose?" 
    "Fifty pounds!" The man exclaimed.
    "Fifty pounds?"  The voice asked. "That's
an awful lot of weight to lose at one time."
    The overweight man replied, "my check's already in the
mail. You just have your representative over here in the morning." 
Then he hung up the phone.
    About 6:00 A.M. the next morning the man gets out of bed and
gets all fancied up, ready for the next representative. At about 7:00 A.M. he
gets a knock on the door. When he opens the door he sees this large gorilla with
a sign around his neck stating, "If I catch you I'm going to screw
you."

Unless the gorilla looks like Johnny Depp....hmmm....