Oh. My. Gosh.  I LLLLOOOVVVEEEE that movie so much!  Every
time I watch it I love it more.  Just got done watching it
AGAIN...couldn't help it...it was on TV this time...favorite part is
near the end with the song "past the point of no return". 
Whew...I'm sorry, but that scene is HOT.   
Such a good movie...and I love that it brings my daughter to tears
too.  Is that weird? I like that she gets it.  Though I did
have to explain to her why Christine loves them both, and why Raoul
started tearing up during the No Return song. Sigh...so good.

This weekend was fairly uneventful...been on my low-carb thing now for
3 days...starting tomorrow morning, anyway...according to my friend,
this is when I start shedding the pounds.  The sooner the better,
I say...I'm pretty sure I've successfully stayed under 20 carbs a
day...tomorrow I'm going to start writing down everything I eat with
it's carb counts...I've been just keeping a running total in my head,
but those things with less than 1 carb I haven't been counting at
all...so technically I could have gone well over 20...hope not, though.
I really want an orange.  I'm staring up at those yummy, juicy
oranges in the fruit basket and just drooling.  And earlier today,
my new neighbors (bless their hearts) brought me a loaf of warm
zucchini bread fresh from their oven.  Zucchini bread.  I
love zuchinni bread. Did I mention it was still warm?  And good
smelling?  But, I'm strong, and I haven't even taken a
nibble...but boy do I want to....I told my hubby to take it into work
with him tonight...it's still sitting there.  I can't just throw
it out, she thought to make it for me.  I'll be OK...I need to buy
some of those pee sticks...my friend says that's how I'll know things
are how they're supposed to be weight loss wise.  I WANT TO BE
SKINNY AGAIN!!!  (or at least healthy looking!)  I must say
this is the weirdest diet I've been on, though.  No oranges, but I
can have sausage.  I don't like sausage.  I like
oranges.  I want an orange.

That's about it...can't get my mind off of stuffing my mouth with
something...I should go to bed now. And all those with their minds in
the gutter, get it out...I'm talking about food.

Dieter's Psalm

Strict is my diet. I must not want. It maketh me to lie down at night hungry. It leadeth me past the confectioners. It trieth my willpower. It leadeth me in the paths of alteration       for my figure's sake. Yea, though I walk through the aisles       of the pastry department, I will       buy no sweetrolls for they are       fattening. The cakes and the pies, they tempt me. Before me is a table set with green beans       and lettuce. I filleth my stomach with liquids, My day's quota runneth over.       Surely calorie and weight charts will follow me all the days of my life, And I will dwell in the fear of scales forever. -

"Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut
her up with cookies..."

My daughter's school nurse drives me nuts.  My sis and I drove out
to Highland (about 35 min away) yesterday to book our kids bday
parties...nurse gives me a call says Jessi's belly is hurting pretty
badly, why don't you come and get her?  I asked if there was a
fever, puke, something substantial going on...nope, just a
tummyache...talked to Jess, of course, she WAS hurting, but as soon as
she got home, about an hour's worth of tooting helped
considerably.  See, the girl has already been diagnosed with IBS.
(irritable bowel syndrome)  There are times when something just
doesn't sit quite right and she needs to be allowed to chill somewhere
WITHOUT leaving school...not fair for her...she totally did not want
to...it was the first day back after Christmas, and she was excited to
be there.  So I make my round of calls to try to get someone to
pick her up (nurse wanted her out fast), couldn't find anyone, so hubby
had to leave some REALLY important meetings to go get this kid with a
belly ache.  He wasn't happy either.  I then got a speeding
ticket trying to get back home a little faster.  Grrrr....stupid
nurse. So, when I went to pick up son from preschool, I went ahead and
stopped by Jess's school to have a talksie with said nurse.  Woman
got onto ME for there not being enough fiber in Jess's diet that she
only poops 2-3 times a week! I'm sorry, I don't force feed my 11 year
old.  I provide, she chooses what to put in her mouth.  I do
say she has to eat the veggies on her plate, or there is no more food
coming in her direction...we tried metamucil when she was younger, she
HATED it, no wonder, that stuff is DISGUSTING.  So I bought this
Beneful (haha..just checked the label after I was done with this
entry...it's benefiber...beneful is a dog food!!!)
stuff yesterday, we'll see how that works...this is the kid that when
she was young, we'd actually have to give suppositories so she would
poop a little more often...ya know?  It just gripes me a
little...if you don't really know someone's background, and you're just
reading a little medical history card, don't assume you know everything
there is to know...they don't provide enough space for me to go into
her entire life story.  Not to mention, she gets a little
embarassed about that stuff...normally I would also write a letter to
the teachers to let her go potty anytime she wants...she's also prone
to bladder infections...this year she pleaded with me not to do
that...if she started having problems with the teachers, than I
could...so far, so good on that count though. So, anyway, I told this
nurse that if Jess comes in with tummyaches (in the right area, of
course), no fevers, and no puking, give her some time in her office
before she sends her on home...she said "well, I sent her to the
bathroom to try to make her poop"..WHAT?  
First, she's a grown girl...if she doesn't need to poo, she's not
gonna.  Second, you CAN'T make IBS people poo if they can't
poo!  (how many times do you think I've said poo in this
entry?  Gotta be some kind of record)  Third, someone should
just punch that lady in the forehead for being an idiot. Deep
breath...in with the good, out with the bad.  Some people make me
angry.

Jason went back to preschool yesterday.  It was sweet...earlier I
had make a comment that his school better watch out, he was feeling
pretty grumpy...dad says "oh he'll be just fine"...Jas pipes up "no I
won't, I'm going to miss my mama"...stuff like that, folks, just kinda
makes a mommy's day.  So then I go to drop him off, he doesn't
even kiss me goodbye, he just takes off and starts playing.  Sigh.
I know, I know...it happens.  Big cutie patootie...

Got Jess her bday presents...I'm excited...got her some new Karaoke
Revolutions games for the PS2, that Floam package thats advertised on
TV, and MAYBE a new RC hovercopter thing. She got one of those for
Christmas, but it promptly fell apart after 3 days.  I've heard
they're pretty flimsy, but good grief...she was pretty upset that it
was already broken, so DAD thinks she should have one more chance not
to destroy it.  Notice I said DAD. I think that if you destroy
something in 3 days, it was either a piece of crap and I don't want to
give them more money for another one, or the kid needs to learn
responsibility for her actions.  But DAD, I think, wants to play a
"cool card" and get her a new one.  I dunno...I love her to death,
of course, but I don't know what's going on with her lately...she's
losing everything.  She has lost 2 brand new CD's she got for
Christmas already, 2 other CD's she's had for awhile, always losing
earrings...and what she really wants for her birthday is this Flypen
thing.  It's 100 dollars.  Umm...can we say NO WAY?  I
told her if she's not going to be responsible enough to take care of
some of these things she already has, no way am I going to buy
something so expensive for her to just lose in less than a week. 
So someone is now saving her money...maybe then it will mean a little
more to her.  Kid's not lackadaisical or anything...she's a great
kid, DOES know the value of a dollar, I think, and she's truly upset
she can't find these things...but c'mon...it took 3 days to destroy the
copter thingie, and 5 days to lose 2 brand new CD's.  That's a
little much. 

Wow, this post is full of griping, isn't it?  My husband needs to
quit keeping me up so late, I think. And not doing REALLY fun stuff
either...THAT I wouldn't mind being up so late for....No, he got a new
game for Christmas, and it's really cool to watch, follows a storyline
and everything...so I have to stay up and watch him play...plus he told
me he really enjoys just being home and having me near him...awww......sometimes
he says just the right things.  Now if he'd just say early in the
morning..."oh honey, I love you so much...I'll take care of the kids
all day today...you just stay in bed"..that would be great.    And then I'd wake up, 'cause it ain't gonna happen!

Got a great joke in my email yesterday:

Eve's side of the story

After three weeks in the Garden of Eden, God came to visit Eve.

"So, how is everything going?" inquired God.

"It is all so beautiful, God," she replied. "The sunrises and sunsets are
breathtaking, the smells, the sights, everything is wonderful, but I have just one
problem. It is these breasts you have given me. The middle one pushes the other two
out and I am constantly kn ocking them with my arms, catching them on branches and
snagging them on bushes. They are a real pain," reported Eve.

And Eve went on to tell God that ! since many other parts of her body came in pairs,
such as her limbs, eyes, ears, etc.......... she felt that having only two breasts
might leave her body more "symmetrically balanced,"as she put it.

"That is a fair point," replied God, "But it was my first shot at this, you know. I
gave the animals six breasts, so I figured that you needed only half of those, but I
see that you are right.. I will fix it up right away." And God reached down ,
removed the middle breast and tossed it into the bushes.

Three weeks passed and God once again visited Eve in the Garden of Eden. "Well, Eve,
how is my favorite creation?"

"Just fantastic," she replied, "But for one oversight on your part. You see, all the
animals are paired off. The ewe has a ram and the cow has her bull. All the animals
have a mate except me. I feel so alone."

God thought for a moment and said, "You know, Eve, you are right. How could I have
overlooked this? You do need a mate and I will immediately create a man from a part
of you. Now let's see............where did I put that useless boob?"

Now doesn't THAT make more sense than that stuff about a rib?

Have a great day ya'll!

So how was everyone's New Year celebration? Ours was super-fun! 
Weird big hit of the night:  oobleck.  Yup, I said oobleck. I
mentioned the preschoolers playing with it or something, and noone knew
what it was, so I had to make some for us all to play with...we
couldn't keep our hands out of it!  And, of course, the later it
got, the more alcohol imbibed, the even cooler it got to do weird stuff
with it!  No, not THAT weird, good Lord...just tossing it around,
seeing when it would maintain some sort of consistency and when it
wouldn't...now, if any science people read this...please please please
explain why this stuff works like this...we all want to know.  I
know it's based on force, but WHY?  And don't give me any "the
polymer x combined with s2haorm to the third degree" blah blah...I
won't understand, thanks.  Other than the oobleck, we had
fun....played some games; Claymania (ALWAYS fun...just like pictionary
but with clay), Trival Pursuit Pop edition (which only me and Mr. M had
fun with...therefore we only played for about 15 minutes),
and Trivial Pursuit for Dummies....which sometimes can just make you
pee your pants.  Dinner was yummy...made a humongous ham, AM
brought her yummy cheesy taters, and bil G brought tons of raw
veggies...wish I could show ya'll pics of my poor house...started
cleaning it up finally yesterday...New Years day is reserved for
undecorating, so didn't start cleaning yet.  ANYWAY, at midnight
you couldn't even see my carpet anymore...I bought 2 large bags of
metallic confetti...and let me tell you people that when that stuff
gets shoved in places it shouldn't, it's a little painful. Major
confetti war...at one point JM had tackled me and shoved it up my pants
legs, and hung my legs upside down to shake it down...so my lovely
hubby wrestled him to the ground so I could shove some down his
pants!  I had confetti caked under my...well...let's just say I
needed a shower after the party. There is confetti on the floor in
every room of my house....and when I get one room clean, someone's
already tracking it back through on their feet! 
It's OK though, sometimes ya gotta pay a price for fun! Oh-and the
sillly string!  Little M didn't think all this was cool,
unfortunately, so AM didn't get too creamed, but the rest of us were
covered!  We actually had to air out the house, 'cause the fumes
from all the cans of string were starting to make us a little
floatie-toadie!  So G and new wifie went home around 1 or
so...newlyweds don'tcha know...while us old married people stayed and
hung out longer...we didn't get to bed 'til 3:30!  Good times,
though!  Maybe next year I can convince him to add a few more
people to come!!!

Things are almost back to normal...besides the house being a mess...oh wait, that IS normal!  Hubby went back to work today, but I got the computer back!!!  Kids don't go back to school until tomorrow...nice
having them around a little more, Jess especially, 'cause she gets so
busy with everything, BUT it'll be nice having a quiet house again for
a couple of hours a day, too! 

My daughters's12th birthday is on Feb. 1.  We're planning an
indoor swim party at a local rec center on Jan 28.  This place is
so cool!  It's got water slides, kiddie area, this whirlpool
thingie the kids can get sucked around, and best of all, a jacuzzi for
the parents to hang out and watch in!  Now I just have to find a
stupid swim suit. This (I'm looking at myself) will not look nice in a
swimsuit.  I'm not looking forward to this.  But little guy
will need parental supervision and it's not fair to put Dad out there
constantly with him, and not getting to have fun with Jess...so, I'm
searching all the on-line places today for a suit.  Yuck. Dontcha
love it when you're looking for a plus size suit, and you're even in
the plus size area...looking at a size huge swimsuit, and the stupid
model wearing it is a toothpick? WTF?  Why can't they find a nice
round woman so we can honestly visualize what WE'D look like in
it????   

Anyway, I should really start vacuuming again, before it gets tracked
around again...plus I need to go see how everyone's doing!  Texas
people...is everyone OK...briefly saw news last night that there's
fires all over the place down there, and in Oklahoma too...hope all is
well with you...

Hmm...funny....gotta find a funny....
Heee heee heee...this one's a little risque...but funny!!

A huge muscular man walks into a
bar and orders a beer. The bartender hands him the beer and says, "You
know, I'm not gay but I want to compliment you on your physique, it
really is phenomenal! I have a question though, why is your head so
small?"

The big guy nods slowly. He's obviously fielded this question many times.

"One day," he begins, "I was hunting when I got lost in the woods. I
heard someone crying for help and finally realized that it was coming
from a frog sitting next to a stream."

So I picked up the frog and it said, "Kiss me. Kiss me and I will turn into a genie and grant you 3 wishes."

So I looked around to make sure I was alone and gave the frog a kiss.
POOF! The frog turned into a beautiful, voluptuous, naked woman.

She said, "You now have 3 wishes."

I looked down at my scrawny 115 pound body and said, "I want a body like Arnold Schwarzenneger."

She nodded, whispered a spell, and POOF! there I was, so huge that I ripped out of my clothes and was standing there naked!

She then asked, "What will be your second wish?"

I looked hungrily at her beautiful body and replied, "I want to make
sensuous love with you here by this stream." She nodded, laid down, and
beckoned to me. "We then made love for hours!"

Later, as we lay there next to each other, sweating from our glorious
lovemaking, she whispered into my ear, "You know, you do have one more
wish. What will it be?"

I looked at her and replied, "How about a little head?"

Have a great day!!!!

So what's everyone doing for New Years Eve?  We're hosting a
tiny little shindig here.  We ALWAYS have our great friends over,
the M's.  This year we're shakin' things up a little and having my
bro-in-law and his new wife over too...I make a big ham dinner, AM
brings these yummy cheesy taters and pink stuff, then we pig out, and
play games all night.  Kids stay up as long as possible, I believe
in them getting to join the fun too, if they can manage to stay awake
and be human.  Then, at midnight, we have a huge confetti fight,
confetti EVERYWHERE, down pants, up shirts, shoved in socks,
EVERYWHERE...fun.  I actually recently found a little triangle
confetti under one of my baseboards about a month ago...just finally
poked it's head out!  This year, it's also bring your own Silly
String.  Hee hee...we're all just a bunch of kids playing at
grown-ups, I swear!  Maybe next year I can get my husband to let
us have more people over, too...baby steps...he's an outwardly social
person, but he'd much prefer to just hang with his family...he doesn't
get too much time with us due to work, so he just kinda soaks us up
when he can.
 
This (up) leads to this (up)...fun stuff!!!!!

Soap box time:  I'm sure all of my xanga friends are great,
wonderful, intelligent people...but for all those who just drop by,
maybe you're younger, or whatever...just do me one favor...on New Years
Eve, and you've had a couple of drinks, please don't think, oh- I've
only had 2 beers, I can easily drive on this...just don't do it...it's
"don't drink and drive", not "go ahead, it's only a couple of
drinks".  If you can afford the booze money, you can afford the
taxi money.  OR if you're at a party with friends and the booze is
free, a sober friend can drive you home...OR you could BE that sober
friend, and drive everyone ELSE home. It's fun watching everyone else
get stupid anyway!  (just remember to take your camcorder) 
Basic message here is it's not only the drunk driver in a wreck
situation; it's the innocents in the other car that also get
affected.  Take care, people, and think before ya drink! 
Happy New Year!!!

Got this survey off of Teachnmom:

2005 Survey
1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before: smelled Lake Erie...ewww.
2.
Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for
next year? nope, and of course!
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? no....
4. Did anyone close to you die? no.
5. What countries did you visit? none this year...states visited : Ohio, Indiana.
6.
What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005? a
preschool teaching position (my son starts kindergarten in the fall
this year!)
7.
What date from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why? when
my son started preschool this fall...because my last baby started
officially growing up...
8.
What was your biggest achievement of the year? staying relatively sane
9. What was your biggest failure? there are no failures...only other possibilities. (uh-oh, Mindy's goin' deep on ya'll!)
10.
Did you suffer illness or injury? just everyday occasional yuckiness!
11. What was the best thing you bought? TiVo!  (that was easy!)
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? my next door neighbors 8 yr old boy-he's on meds now, and hoo-boy, what a difference!!!
13. Whose behavior made you appalled? my niece that's the same age as my daughter
14. Where did most of your money go? out the window
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about? sis moving down here
16. What song(s) will always remind you of 2005? The outside song...
17. Compared to this time last year, you are? fatter
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?  homeschooling my son
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?  messing around on the computer
20. How will you be spending Christmas? how did I? At my parents house, with my sis and her kids too...good times, good times.
22. Did you fall in love in 2005? over and over.
23. How many one-night stands? uh...married.
24.
What was your favorite TV program?  Survivor, American Idol,
Amazing Race, The Biggest Loser, Wife Swap, Trading Spouses, and wasn't
this the year that Sex and the City finalized?  Yeah, all
those.  Nothing with real substance, really.  And yet a good
study of humanity...
25.
Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? nope...I don't believe in hatred.
26.
What was the best book you read? I'd have to go look at their
titles...probably something by Dean Koontz or Robert Fulghum...
27. What was your greatest musical discovery? my daughter...she finally let me hear her REALLY sing.
28. What did you want and get? lots of hugs and kisses.
30.
What was your favorite film of this year? Wow...hmm...recently
Narnia...Charlie and the Chocolate Factory (mumbler),  I'm sure
there's tons of others-if you mentioned 'em, I'd probably say how much
I loved it!
31.
What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you? 33, and the kids made me a cake!
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? husband spending more time at home.
33.
How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
momtastic! (um..sweats, jeans, t-shirts, sweatshirts...so sexy!)
34.
What kept you sane? lots of Valium. JUST KIDDING. those hugs and kisses
do alot of good...I think dr.s should prescribe those alot!
35.
Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? DUH...Johnny Depp!!!
36.
What political issue stirred you the most? I carried on about Target
for quite awhile....(them not allowing bell ringers last
Christmas...boycotted them for a very long time)
37.
Who did you miss? my Grandma...she died quite a few years ago, but
every once in awhile I still wish I could just give her a big hug, do a
puzzle with her, play a game, swim in the pond-her in her big
innertube...miss ya Grandma...
38. Who was the best new person you met? everyone on here!!!
39.
Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2005:  don't sweat
the small stuff...and cover up your scrapbooking stuff when you leave
for a couple of days.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year: "if you wanna make God laugh, tell 'em your plans"

Don't know if I'm gonna have time to say howdy tomorrow, my hubby got a
new computer game for Christmas...it's called Black and White for all
you comp. gamers out there...he's addicted now, and is drawing my
daughter into it...she thinks it's very cool, too....anyway, what it
boils down to, is me losing computer time!  Wah!  Plus, I
have to clean super good, the M family has a little one that puts
little items in her mouth still, and make a yummy ham...so...

                      HAPPY

             NEW
                  YEAR!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok...everyone sit back and do a collective sigh of
contentment.....Aaaaaahhhh.....nice, very nice.  We got back from
my parents house Monday evening.  Christmas was WONDERFUL. 
Everyone got along pretty much the whole time, everyone LOVED their
gifts, my cousin and his wife visited from Michigan with their new baby
(I say new...she's almost 2)...it was nice.  I made my kids leave
most of their Christmas presents here at my house...I hate the chaos on
Christmas morning when all the kids just go haywire and don't even
recognize who the gift is from...and sure 'nuff, Jason started opening
a gift to little A, little A started opening one of her sis'
gifts...it's a little hard when the little one's can't read, and the
passer outter wants to get to her own presents!!! (that would be my
daughter)  Next year we have also decreed that the passer outter
is an adult. It's traditionally been child, but too much chaos. 
So anyway, we get back here, and the kids got to open the rest, nice
and slow. That was fantastic. We got to open each gift with the giver
right there (except for the Alaska family), and even get the thing out
of the box before moving on to the next one!  Good stuff.

Bad stuff:  one of my cats needs to die.  I say this because
(and I know which one it is) she decided to tell mommy how angry she
was with me leaving for Christmas weekend and you know what she
did?    SHE POOPED AND PEED
ON MY SCRAPBOOKING STUFF!!!!  MOSTLY PICS!!!  Now, thankfully
most of this stuff was in Walmart bags, and pics still in their little
pic envelopes, unthankfully, there was a hole in one of those bags, and
she pegged my Disney trip pics (the only ones not on digital - and
before you say, yeagh, you have some on digital, let me tell you my
husband can't find those!), my daugters 11th bday and my son't first
Santa pic. So all last night I was up separating pictures, trying to
salvage them.  Stupid cat.  I know it was her, 'cause the
other cats greeted us at the door saying hello, glad you're back, the
other stupid cat never came down that night, and in the morning just
mewed from her spot under the bed, all guilty like.  She better be
lucky she's old and about ready to die anyway, she would so find her
butt in a shelter otherwise!!!  I think last night may have been
her closest night to death ever.

Folks, I know this is always what people say they're going to do on the
New Year...but I gotta do this.  Lose weight.  Yup....I think
it's time to go on that downward cycle again.  A few weeks ago, we
were in a restaurant, and I get up to put on my coat...my son pipes up
"wow, mom, you got a fat belly like Santa!" ...OK...I can take that,
it's funny, I laughed.  About a week after that, my niece pats my
belly, asks me if I'm wearing anything under my shirt, then asks if I
"have a baby in there".  Ok...ouchie a little,  realize I
must be getting a little huge.  MY AUNT when she visited over
Christmas, patted my belly and asked "when are you due?". 
I"m done. Gonna try that Atkins thing, see how that works, that's one I
haven't tried.  Don't get me wrong, I'm great at losing weight,
can lose it REALLY easy when I try.  It's KEEPING IT OFF that
really sucks.  I typically have a yo yo of 75-100 lbs I lose and
regain.  And, yes, I know that that's worse than just keeping it
on...it's not for lack of trying, folks.  My name is Mindy, and
I'm a foodaholic. 
Hmm...other New Years resolutions:
1.  not stay so long on the computer, neglecting everything else
2.  clean out garage...AGAIN
3.  budget budget budget
4.  more sex
5.  work with Jason more
6.  keep in touch with friends a little better
7.  send more pics and video up to his family in Alaska
8.  less drug use  (JUST KIDDING!!!)
9.  get fence fixed, office painted, hallway painted, paint over
ugly marble in bathroom, redo cabinets in bathroom, paint all outside
trim on house....(or find someone to do all this for me!)
10.  and to go with the diet, gym time!!!

I think that's enough...my hubby mentioned something XXX rated, but I'm
not gonna list it.  Let's just say it goes with more sex. 

Well, my house is, of course, a huge mess...I need to clean it...my son
can't find a car he loves...probably buried under mounds of 
wrapping paper or just plain toys.  The background kinda looks
like my house right now, only cleaner...sad.  SO...I leave you
with a smile...

  
        A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him. 
        The waitress asks them for their orders. 
        The man says, "A hamburger, fries and a coke," and turns to the 
        ostrich,  "What's yours?" 
        "I'll have the same," says the ostrich. 
        A short time later the waitress returns with the order. "That will be  $9.40
please," and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact 
        change for payment. 

          
        The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says,! "A 
        hamburger, fries and a coke." 
        The ostrich says, "I'll have the same." Again the man reaches into 
        his pocket and pays with exact change. 

          
        This becomes routine until the two enter again. "The usual?" asks the 
        waitress. 
        "No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato and a 
        salad," says the man. 
        "Same," says the ostrich. 
        Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, "That will be $32.62." 
        Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it 
        on the table. 
        The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer. "Excuse me, sir. 
        How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your 
        pocket every time?" 

          
        "Wel! l," says the man, "several years ago I was cleaning the attic and 
;found 
        an old lamp. When I ru! bbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two 
        wishes.

        My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything, I would just 
        put my hand in my pocket and the right amout of money would always be there." 
        "That's brilliant!" says the waitress. "Most people would ask for a 
        million dollars or something, but you'll always be as rich as you want for as 
        long as you live!" 

          
        "That's right. Whether it's a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the 
        exact money is always there," says the man. 
        The waitress asks, "What's with the ostrich?" 

          
        The man sighs, pauses and answers, "My second wish was for a tall chick 
        with a big ass and long legs who agrees with everything I say.

Have a great Wednesday everyone!

Wait a sec...just checked my email...my dad sent me this...pretty good stuff...

                              By Debbie Daniel

        I'm on a "Merry Christmas" mission and I'm in full throttle. My little
yellow VW Beetle has turned into a Christmas billboard with Merry Christmas
written across the back window. Yes, I've decided to trek off to work
everyday on the public highways with a message that seems to offend people.

        At stop lights, I even turn my music up a little louder, and to top it off,
I sing along with it. Don't I know that stopping at a red light to roll my
windows down only to share the joy of Christmas carols on public streets is
a No-No? Don't I fear the Christmas Gestapo and those who would have me
remove the written message from my car?

        I'm sorry folks, but the only person I'm concerned about "offending" during
this Christmas season is the Lord himself. LEAVE THAT MANGER ALONE! We've
allowed the Baby Jesus to be kicked out of His lowly manger, and those
offended by Christmas are still not happy. 

        I refuse to let this happen. I'm going to do my part to make sure "Merry
Christmas" doesn't become extinct. Because like it or not, if the believers
in Christmas don't take a stand now, it's gone forever.

        Listen folks, the Christian community has been underestimated before; we
will have to show ourselves again. 

        I walked into a Wendy's Restaurant the other day and was rather exuberant
with my "Merry Christmas" greeting to the manager. He didn't have much of a
response and I said, "Where's your Christmas spirit?" He said, "We're not
allowed to use the words "Merry Christmas" when greeting customers. We can
only say "Happy Holiday."

        This morning I grabbed a quick breakfast at a Whataburger Restaurant. I
noticed there wasn't a single decoration in the store. I asked the manager
why they weren't decorated for Christmas. He told me the corporate
headquarters decided not to send any decorations to any of their stores, and
he didn't know why. 

        After I heard about all the Macy's and Federated Stores taking down their
Merry Christmas signs, the Target stores not allowing the Salvation Army to
"Ring the Christmas bells," and the many incidents of children, choirs, and
bands not allowed to play or sing Christmas carols, I realized it was
happening right here in my own little Texas town.

        How can this be? Not Texas!

        We do, however, have a store, Hobby Lobby, that plays nothing but Christmas
carols during the season. On Christmas Day they run a full page ad in our
local newspaper. That ad is not to promote the store, but uses the entire
page to tell the story of Jesus' birth. Now that's taking a stand. We need
to thank them.

        When I saw a news report the other evening of children being taught new
words to a song we've sung for years - "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" - I
was saddened to hear "We Wish You a Splendid Holiday."

        I know now that it's just a matter of time that the "Merry Christmas"
greetings will be gone. Look around your town. Notice the "Holiday"
greetings and not "Christmas." It's happening right before our very eyes. 

        Start singing the songs; go down the streets of America singing to your
heart's content. Get some of those wash-off markers that these kids use to
write on their car windows when they're rooting for their hometown football
team. It's easy to do, and if a torrential rain washes it off, write it on
there again.

        We've got to get this message out. "Go Tell It On the Mountain . . that
Jesus Christ is Born." Sing it, speak it, be a billboard for our Lord.

        The story of this "Baby Jesus" alone has brought about more goodwill at this
time of year than any other day we celebrate. How can we sit back and allow
Him to be snuffed out of our lives?

        Is it Jesus, or is it His followers that the "offended" don't like? What
kind of revulsion galvanizes one to campaign so vehemently against the mere
mention of His name, the mere singing of a carol, or the mere visual of a
sign that says "Merry Christmas?"

        I can listen to my own boss at work use some of the vilest words and follow
up with, "Excuse my French." I may cringe inside at his damning of God's
name, but I tolerate it. So if you don't like me wishing you a "Merry
Christmas," I'll say, "Excuse my joy." You may cringe that I celebrate the
birth of Jesus, but just tolerate it.

        I cannot be concerned that "Merry Christmas" offends you. If I'm not
careful, the day will come when saying I'm a Christian will offend you. 

        I'm offended that you're offended. How about that? 

        When we get to a point that we can no longer take part in a tradition we
hold dear, we have no choice; we either defend that tradition or we give it
up to those who say NO. That's it . . period. So, which will it be?

        I'm not giving up my "Merry Christmas" joy to anyone. If I know of someone
that celebrates another holiday during this time of year, I will be glad to
wish them whatever holiday they want. Just tell me what it is and I'll shout
it to the world and wish you a grand celebration. 

        Just give me Christmas. To you merchants: Stop being so hypocritical and
"filling your tills" on the back of Jesus! Who do you think is the symbol of
giving at this time of year? It was the wise men bringing gifts to the
newborn Christ-child. 

        You want your coffers full, but have ordered your employees to take down all
the Merry Christmas signs. If that's the case, I'll buy gifts at a place
that understands my joy.

        If you're worried about offending someone, you just did. The most recent
Newsweek survey shows that 82% of Americans believe that Jesus is the Son of
God. So, in trying not to offend a few, you've offended many. 

        It's okay to jump into the "Merry Christmas" spirit when it fills your cash
register, but let's call it something else . . . and don't stop giving . . .
and don't stop buying. . . we'll just change the name and you'll never know
the difference.

        I know the difference and I'm feeling it greatly. It's hard not to be aware
that townships across our country have actually banned the singing of
Christmas carols because it might offend someone. And it's not just the
religious songs; it's the secular ones too. No more "Jingle Bells" or
"Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer" because they're associated with Christmas.
Boy, aren't we getting sensitive? 

        If we're not celebrating Christmas for the hope it gives with the birth of
our Savior . . . there is no hope!

        I noticed a few years ago that we changed the name of Abraham Lincoln's and
George Washington's birthday so as to be all inclusive regarding the
Presidents. Hark, if we should recognize anyone as exceptional. Now it's
called Presidents' Day.

        Well, if we're going to be so all inclusive, next month I'll have to refer
to Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day as Civil Rights Leaders' Day. We don't
want to exclude great Americans like Rosa Parks or Cesar Chavez, do we? And
to think that Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton might be left out. 

        We might need to change Mother's Day, Father's Day, and Grandparents' Day to
All Parents' Day. Just lump them all together.

        It sounds ridiculous, doesn't it? So what's the difference?

        My freedom to celebrate Christmas in the tradition of the Christian religion
is as much my right as it is your right to be offended by it. So what are we
going to do? Did anyone hear me . . . what are we going to do?

        Do we defend a person's right to go forward with a time tested tradition
(how about 2000 years?), or do we defend a person's right to end it all
because they're offended? As long as we live in this great land and have the
freedom to express ourselves and what we believe in, we will always offend
someone.

        If we try to make everything right for everyone, we won't have anything for
anyone. 

                            May you always have Christmas in your Y! 
        ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ 


        What Debbie Daniel started, let's not let it die here.  Let's all do our
part. Let's do something ourselves, and then too, let's pass this on to
every Christian we know and if enough of us shout it out, maybe someone,
somewhere, will hear us and stop this insanity of Atheism from gripping our
Country.  

                                Merry CHRISTmas to all!!

                                                      

Alright, folky-dolks...I'm outta here 'til Monday...unless I get so
super-bored that I brave my dad's dial up computer line- get's kinda
frustrating when you wait 5 minutes for each website to come on...not
to mention something that has sound or complicated pics...Ahhh...boonie
life.

Went out light-lookin' at last night...we are so inspired for next
year's light show!  We're goin' Griswold for sure...the guy on the
end of the street and us have an unspoken friendly competition to see
who can annoy the Kravitz neighbor first...I think we're neck and neck.
I've seen her walk by and just shake her head...good stuff.  But
just not good enough 'til she knocks and says something...or prints it
up in a newsletter...she likes to do that too. 

And, no, this is NOT my house...though it is pretty awesome!!!

Well, ya'll take care, and have a fantastic Christmas...remember the
magic of being that kid who's been waiting for Santa all night...to try
to figure out how that guy can fly all over the world in that amount of
time, to wonder how he gets in the house, how he Knows you've been good
or bad, whether you're alseep or not....all this running through their
heads as they try to sleep...remember what it was like when you were a
kid...and remember all this as they're jumping on your bed at 5 a.m. in
the morning trying to wake you up to see what Santa has brought...it
might help get you out of bed a little easier.  If you're driving
this Holiday season, drive safely, and for goodness sake, don't be
stupid and drink and drive.  And watch out for the wackos who
do.  Peace.

      
MERRY CHRISTMAS, GOD BLESS
                 US EVERY ONE!!!

                                                      

The Night Before Christmas - At The Mall


Twas the night before Christmas, 
and all through the mall, 
Not a creature was idle, 
shoppers least of all; 

The merchandise was placed in the windows with care, 
In hopes that great sale shoppers soon would be there. 

The parents were hoping to keep out of the red, 
While visions of tax returns danced in their heads; 
And Ma in her overcoat and Pa in his fleece, 
Headed to the mall despite a tight winter squeeze. 

When out from the womenswear, there arose such a clatter, 
We looked up from our wares to see what was the matter. 
Away to the sales rack we flew like a flash, 
Tore off the clothing and paid it with cash. 

The moms with kids were all in tow, 
The stores were all aglow,
When all at once we saw him appear, 
A fat old man with a great white beard! 

With all the bustle so lively and quick,
We knew in a moment it was just a trick. 
Ten bucks for a photo, on the lap of a man? 
Better to catch bargains and shop while we can! 

"Now Visa! now Mastercard! and American Express! On Discover, on bank cards,
on personal checks! To the front of the line, to the front of the store!
I want it all! And I want it more!" 

As we marched to the car with bags in our hands, 
We were startled to see a hungry old man. 
As he watched us walk past, down his face rolled a tear. 
His clothes were dull rags, and no one drew near. 

And suddenly, we felt so ashamed. 
The fake glow from the stores had already waned. 
For here was someone who reminded us so dear,
Of One who had come to end all our fear. 

And lo! Above the mounting spectacle of greed, 
Shone a bright star for all to take heed; 
That Christmas is more than material things, 
It is HIM who we celebrate, and the joy that He brings. 

As I did for Thanksgiving, here's some car jokes to keep those kids occupied:

Why does Santa always go down the chimney?
Because it soots him!
(that's one of Santa's favourite jokes! *HO! Ho! ho!*)

Where does Santa stay when he's on holidays?
At a Ho-ho-tel!

What does Mrs. Claus sing to Santy on his birthday?
"Freeze a jolly good fellow!"

What do you get if you cross Father Christmas with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker!

An honest politician, a kind lawyer and Santa Claus were walking down the street and
saw a $20 bill.  Which one picked it up??
Santa!  The other two don't exist!

What do you do if Santa Claus gets stuck in your chimney?
Pour Santa flush on him!

What does Santa say to the toys on Christmas Eve?
Okay everyone, sack time!

What do the elves call it when Père Noël claps his hands at the end of a play?
Santapplause!

Why does Santa like to work in his garden?
Because he likes to hoe, hoe, hoe!

What do you call a kitty on the beach on Christmas morning?
Sandy Claws!

Who delivers presents to dentist offices?
Santa Jaws!

Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?
Elephanta Claus!

What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
Crisp Kringle!

Why does St. Nicholas have a white beard?
So he can hide at the North Pole!

What do you call Santa when he has no money?
Saint "Nickel"-less!

What smells most in a chimney?
Santa's nose!

What does Kris Kringle like to get when he goes to the donut shop?
A jolly roll!

What do you call someone who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?

A rebel without a Claus!

What is invisible but smells like milk and cookies?
Kris Kringle burps!

What did Santa get when he crossed a woodpecker with kleenex?
Rapping paper!

What does Santa like to have for breakfast?
Mistle-"toast"!

Why does Santa take presents to children around the world?
Because the presents won't take themselves!

What does Santa use when he goes fishing?
His north pole!

How do we know Santa is such a good race car driver?
Because he's always in the pole position!

What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
Tyranno-santa Rex!

What's red & white and red & white and red & white?
Santa rolling down a hill!

What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus when he looked out the window?
Looks like "rain", "Dear"!

What's red and green and flies?
An airsick Santa Claus!

How does Père Noël take pictures?
With his North "Pole"-aroid!

Why does Santa's sleigh get such good mileage?
Because it has long-distance runners on each side!

What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh! Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
Santa caught in a revolving door!

What kind of motorcycle does Santy ride?
A "Holly" Davidson!

Where does Father Christmas go to vote?
The North Poll!

What's red and white and falls down the chimney?
Santa Klutz!

What do you call Saint Nick after he has come down the chimney?
Cinder Claus!

What nationality is Santa Claus?
North Polish!

Why does Santa owe everything to the elves?
Because he is an elf-made man!

What goes oh, oh, oh?
Santa Claus walking backwards!

How many chimneys does Saint Nick go down?
Stacks!

What does Santa get if he gets stuck in a chimney?
Claustrophobic!

What would you call Father Christmas if he became a detective?
Santa Clues!

Who delivers Christmas presents to pets?
Why, Santa Paws of course!

All Christmas shopping done...Christmas musical at the
Church-done.. baking-done...cards out-done...packages
mailed-done...aaaahhhh....now I just gotta wrap everything.  But
not right now.

Nothin' really going on here...be that good or bad, take your
pick...I"ll take good right now.  We did have the Musical last
night...it was WONDERFUL...I actually cried at the end, I"m such a
sap...and then this acapella (sp?) group came, Chapter 6 I believe they
were called...and they were AWESOME!!!!!  Loved it, every
second...my bro in law and new sis in law came to it, came over
afterwards and watched Skeleton Key...not that scary..interesting movie
if anything....and totally not Christmassy!!! (duh)

So...just checkin' in to let ya'll know I'm still alive...just that time of year!!!

Here's an email I got the other day:

> > MERRY CHRISTMAS
> >
> > The "W" in  Christmas
> >
> > Each December, I vowed to make Christmas a calm and
> > peaceful  experience.
> >
> > I had cut back on nonessential obligations -
> > extensive card  writing, endless
> > baking, decorating, and even overspending.
> >
> > Yet still,  I found myself exhausted, unable to
> > appreciate the precious
> > family moments,  and of course, the true meaning of
> > Christmas.
> >
> > My son, Nicholas, was in  kindergarten that year. It
> > was an exciting season
> > for a six year  old.
> >
> > For weeks, he'd been memorizing songs for his
> > school's "Winter  Pageant."
> >
> > I didn't have the heart to tell him I'd be working
> > the night of  the
> > production. Unwilling to miss his shining moment, I
> > spoke with his  teacher.
> > She assured me there'd be a dress rehearsal the
> > morning of the  presentation.
> >
> > All parents unable to attend that evening were
> > welcome to  come then.
> >
> > Fortunately, Nicholas seemed happy with the
> > compromise.
> >
> > So, the morning of the dress rehearsal, I filed in
> > ten  minutes early, found
> > a spot on the cafeteria floor and sat down. Around
> > the  room, I saw several
> > other parents quietly scampering to their seats. As
> > I  waited, the students
> > were led into the room. Each class, accompanied by
> > their  teacher, sat
> > cross-legged on the floor. Then, each group, one by
> > one, rose to  perform
> > their song.
> >
> > Because the public school system had long stopped
> > referring to the holiday
> > as "Christmas," I didn't expect anything other than
> > fun, commercial
> > entertainment songs of reindeer, Santa Claus,
> > snowflakes and  good cheer.
> >
> > So, when my son's class rose to sing, "Christmas
> > Love," I was  slightly taken
> > aback by its bold title.
> >
> > Nicholas was aglow, as were  all of his classmates,
> > adorned in fuzzy mittens,
> > red sweaters, and bright  snowcaps upon their heads.
> >
> > Those in the front row- center stage - held up
> > large letters, one by one, to
> > spell out the title of the song.
> >
> > As the  class would sing "C is for Christmas," a
> > child would hold up the
> > letter C.  Then, "H is for Happy," and on and on,
> > until each child holding up
> > his  portion had presented the complete message,
> > "Christmas Love."
> >
> > The  performance was going smoothly, until suddenly,
> > we noticed her; a  small,
> > quiet, girl in the front row holding the letter "M"
> > upside down -  totally
> > unaware her letter "M" appeared as a "W".
> >
> > The audience of 1st  through 6th graders snickered
> > at this little one's
> > mistake. But she had no  idea they were laughing at
> > her, so she stood tall,
> > proudly holding her  "W".
> >
> > Although many teachers tried to shush the children,
> > the laughter  continued
> > until the last letter was raised, and we all saw it
> > together.
> >
> > A hush came over the audience and eyes began to
> > widen.
> >
> > In that instant, we understood the reason we were
> > there, why we  celebrated
> > the holiday in the first place, why even in the
> > chaos, there was a  purpose
> > for our festivities.
> >
> > For when the last letter was held high,  the message
> > read loud and clear:
> >
> > "C H R I S T W A S L O V E"
> >
> > And,  I believe, He still is.
> > Amazed in His presence...
> > .humbled by His  love.

Isn't that sweet?  Now for some giggles:

Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer

A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the
other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it's
raining," he said to his wife.

"No, that felt more like snow to me," she replied. "No, I'm sure it was
just rain, he said." Well, as these things go, they were about to have
a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then
they saw a minor communist party official walking toward them. "Let's
not fight about it," the man said, "let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether
it's officially raining or snowing."

As the official approached, the man said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it officially raining or snowing?"

"It's raining, of course," he answered and walked on. But the woman
insisted: "I know that felt like snow!" To which the man quietly
replied: "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"

HAHAHHAAHAHHA!!!!!  Let's have some more!

WEB
ADDICTION HOLIDAY SING ALONG!

(Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland")

Doorbell
rings, I'm not list'nin',
From my mouth, drool is glist'nin',
I'm happy -- although
My boss let me go --
Happily addicted to Xanga.
All night long, I sit clicking,
Unaware time is ticking,
I really must reek,
Same clothes for a week,
Happily addicted to Xanga!

Friends come by; they shake me, Saying, "Yo, man!
Don't you know tonight's the senior prom?"
With a listless shrug, I mutter "No, man;
I just discovered Flimflampapermom!" (sorry...it rhymes!!!)
I don't phone, don't send faxes,
Don't go out, don't pay taxes,
Who cares if someday
They drag me away?
I'm happily addicted to Xanga!

Happ-ilyyyyy, ad-dict-eeeed to Xangaaaa!!! (Yeah!)

Yeah...that's cool...had to do a little bit of re-write to it...and
check it out, FlimFlam...your name is in lyrics!  Very cool....

Have a great day all!!!!

So my sister wakes me up this morning...my little niece 
(with all the issues) turns 6 tomorrow...had another seizure 
in the middle of the night
Now, I've actually seen my sis do this a couple of times, 
when little A falls asleep in the car-
she'll tell the kid sitting next to her, check little A,
 see if she's breathing.  I'm kind of rambling
here, I know...I"m still trying to pull this together and how I feel...
The seizure-she's apparently OK, big sis had to roll over and see if she was
still alive this morning...when she seizes she sleeps VERY deep, must
have bit her lip while doing it too, she had blood on her lips...will
probably have to have surgery again ALREADY (she just had her last brain surgery
a couple of months ago...her scar hasn't even healed all the way yet)
but the dr. was saying last time, if she starts getting worse again, they may
just have to risk the operation and remove the tumor...regardless of 
the chances. (she has a child fist sized tumor nestled up and around a major
artery in her brain...the risks entail death, of course, or possibly losing
the little A we have now...which is a wonderful little girl, who by all appearances
is just about "normal"...her cerebral palsy barely shows unless you're 
looking for it) So Anyway, I'm a wreck. Can you imagine having to check your little
one every time she sleeps to see if she's still breathing?  I know I still
check in on them when they're sleeping, 'cause I'm neurotic that way, but
I certainly don't expect anything to be wrong for real...SHE DOES. And 
for good reason.  They told her little A wouldn't make it to 4 yrs old...
tomorrow's her 6th bday.  Every day is a gift...please pray for my niece...
i


Dug this story out of my email archives from a 
few years ago...after reading some of those Santa letters, 
I just wanted to show that 
Santa DOES and CAN exist...



Santa & Grandma

> > I remember my first Christmas adventure with Grandma. I was just a kid.
> >
> > I remember tearing across town on my bike to visit her on the day my big
 sister dropped the bomb:   "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered. "Even
> dummies know that!"
> >
> > My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had been.  I fled to her that
day
> because I knew she would be straight with me.
> >
> > I knew Grandma always told the truth, and I knew that the truth always
 went down a whole lot easier when swallowed with one of her
"world-famous"
> cinnamon buns.   I knew they were world-famous, because Grandma said so.
It
> had to be true.
> >
> > Grandma was home, and the buns were still warm. Between bites, I told
 her everything. She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus?" she snorted.
> >
> > "Ridiculous! Don't believe it. That rumor has been going around for
 years, and it makes me mad, plain mad.
> >
> > Now, put on your coat, and let's go." "Go? Go where, Grandma?"  I asked
 I hadn't even finished my second world-famous cinnamon bun.
> >
> > "Where" turned out to be Kerby's General Store, the one store in town
 that had a little bit of just about everything.  As we walked through
it's
> doors, Grandma handed me ten dollars. That was a bundle in those days.
> >
> > "Take this money," she said, "and buy something for someone who needs
 it. I'll wait for you in the car." Then she turned and walked out of
> Kerby's.
> >
> > I was only eight years old. I'd often gone shopping with my mother, but
 never had I shopped for anything all by myself.
> >
> > The store seemed big and crowded, full of people scrambling to finish
 their Christmas shopping.   For a few moments I just stood there,
> confused, clutching that ten-dollar bill, wondering what to buy, and who
on
> earth to buy it for.
> >
> > I thought of everybody I knew: my family, my friends, my neighbors, the
 kids at school, and the people who went to my church.   I was just about
> thought out, when I suddenly thought of Bobby Decker.
> >
> > He was a kid with bad breath and messy hair, and he sat right behind me
 in Mrs. Pollock's grade-two class.
> >
> > Bobby Decker didn't have a coat. I knew that because he never went out
 to recess during the winter.   His mother always wrote a note, telling
the
> teacher that he had a cough, but we all knew that Bobby Decker didn't have
a
> cough; he had no coat.
> >
> > I fingered the ten-dollar bill with growing excitement. I would buy
 Bobby Decker a coat!   I settled on a red corduroy one that had a hood
to
> it. It looked real warm, and he would like that.
> >
> > "Is this a Christmas present for someone?" the lady behind the counter
 asked kindly, as I laid my ten dollars down.  "Yes, ma'am," I replied
> shyly "It's for Bobby." The nice lady smiled at me.
> >
> > I didn't get any change, but she put the coat in a bag and wished me a
 Merry Christmas.
> >
> > That evening, Grandma helped me wrap the coat in Christmas paper and
 ribbons, (a little tag fell out of the coat, and Grandma tucked it in
her
> Bible) and told me to write, "To Bobby, From Santa Claus" on it. Grandma
 said that Santa always insisted on secrecy.
> >
> > Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's house, explaining as we went
 that I was now and forever officially one of Santa's helpers.  Grandma
> parked down the street from Bobby's house, and she and I crept noiselessly
 and hid in the bushes by his front walk.
> >
> > Then Grandma gave me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus," she whispered,
 "get going."   I took a deep breath, dashed for his front door, threw
the
> present down on his step, pounded his doorbell and flew back to the safety
 of the bushes and Grandma. Together we waited breathlessly in the darkness
 for the front door to open.
> >
> > Finally it did, and there stood Bobby.
> >
> > Fifty years haven't dimmed the thrill of those moments spent shivering,
 beside my Grandma, in Bobby Decker's bushes.
> >
> > That night, I realized that those awful rumors about Santa Claus were
 just what Grandma said; they were: ridiculous.
> >
> > Santa was alive and well, and we were on his team.
> >
> > I still have the Bible, with the tag tucked inside: $19.95.


>

Sorry it's a little solemn today folks...just not feeling the funny...
feel free to leave me some...I could use it.  Thanks.

This is for the Kween of the Queens...one day I will learn to link...I
personally think I've come a very long way since I've started this
xanga in learning little things on the computer!  I had this great
Dear Santa letter I copied from some joke site a few posts ago...I may
repost it after my letter, it hits everything pretty well on the
head!  If I don't, just go down a couple of posts...it's
there. (it's on  Friday Dec 9's post)

Dear Mrs. Claus
   Now that I'm older, I know where the true power
lies.  It's in the woman, so I'm gonna just go ahead and write this to you...Not to mention, the Christmas
wishes I have for myself need to be told to a woman, 'cause, face it,
we get it. 
This year, Mrs. Claus, I find myself up to my eyeballs in
messiness...seems to get worse as the kiddos get older...I would like
that machine from the Cat in the Hat that Thing 1 and Thing 2 drive
around...the kind that not only fixes and paints walls, but can wash
the dog.  I don't have a dog, but it sure would be fun to see the
cats get done!    Another
thing I would like would be a zapping mat.  My parents recently
bought this mat for their cat that they place on the table, so that
when the cat jumps on the table, it gets a little shock.  I want
one that everytime my husband just drops his clothes anywhere, I can
just zap him.  It would be so much fun...I think a magic wand
would be cool, too.  One that automatically washes all the
laundry...I can just sit on the couch, wave my wand in the air, and
*POOF* laundry's done and put away too.  Nice.  I think I've
mentioned this one before too....I think I speak for all xanglanders
out there on this one...we need an automatic typing device...where we
just speak what we want said and done, and can do other things while we
do this-it will post for us, find pictures for us...all we do is
talk.  OH-and since now all I'm doing is sitting on the couch
while kids are in school...I need something to magically take off all
the fat on my butt.  (hips, thighs, arms...you name it,
sister)...oh, and world peace.  Thanks Mrs. Claus...I'll leave
some viagra out for Santa for you...
               
              
      Love Always,
               
              
              
    me

You Are Prancer

You are the perfect reindeer, with perfect hooves and perfect flying form. Why You're Naughty: Because you're Santa's pet, and you won't let anyone show you up. Why You're Nice: You have the softest fur and the sweetest carrot breath.

Soft fur and sweet carrot breath?  Well, I do need to shave my legs, but I wouldn't call it soft...

Here's a good one, maybe not so funny...

The Night before Christmas for MOMs

'Twas was the night before Christmas, when all thru the abode,

only one creature was stirring, and she was cleaning the commode.

The children were finally sleeping, all snug in their beds,

while visions of Nintendo 64 and Barbie, flipped through their heads.

The dad was snoring in front of the TV,

with a half-constructed bicycle on his knee.

So only the mom heard the reindeer hooves clatter,

which made her sigh, "Now what's the matter?"

With toilet bowl brush still clutched in her hand,

she descended the stairs, and saw the old man.

He was covered with ashes and soot, which fell with a shrug.

"Oh great," muttered the mom, "Now I have to clean the rug."

"Ho-ho-ho!" cried Santa, "I'm glad you're awake."

"Your gift was especially difficult to make."

"Thanks, Santa, but all I want is some time alone."

"Exactly!" he chuckled, "I've made you a clone."

 

"A clone?" she asked, "What good is that?

Run along, Santa, I've no time for chit-chat."

The mother's twin. Same hair, same eyes,

same double chin. "She'll cook, she'll dust, "

she'll mop every mess. You'll relax, take it easy,

watch The Young & the Restless." "Fantastic!" the mom cheered.

"My dream come true! "I'll shop. I'll read., I'll sleep a whole night

through! "

From the room above, the youngest began to fret.

"Mommy?! I scared... and I 'm wet."

The clone replied, "I'm coming, sweetheart."

"Hey," the mom smiled, "She knows her part."

The clone changed the small one, and hummed a tune,

as she bundled the child, in a blanket cocoon.

"You the best mommy ever. " I really love you."

The clone smiled and sighed, "I love you, too."

The mom frowned and said, "Sorry, Santa, no deal. "

That's my child's love, she's trying to steal."

Smiling wisely Santa said, "To me it is clear, "

Only one loving mother, is needed here."

The mom kissed her child, and tucked her into bed.

"Thank you, Santa, " for clearing my head.

I sometimes forget, it won't be very long,

when they'll be too old, for my cradle-song."

The clock on the mantle began to chime.

Santa whispered to the clone, "It works every time."

With the clone by his side Santa said, "Goodnight.

Merry Christmas, Mom, You'll be all right.

Author unknown

Don't forget this cool site:

http://www.popularfront.com/seasonsgreetings/

We go ALOT...probably have about 30 snowflakes out there this year alone!

Have a great rest of the week everyone! MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! 

SHE GOT CALLED THIS MORNING!!!  They granted the wishes I sent
them for my sissy...I'm so excited....heat for Christmas...how
nice...OF COURSE I also asked for some cool stuff for the kiddos... 
Yup, they called at about 6:30 A.M. this morning...YAWN...woke me up.
My daughter runs the phone up ('cause of course she was up
already...kid rises before the sun does!), I have to get the sleep out
of my head to even understand her, she's got this supersonic squeal of
happiness going on (she knows about the wish)...and the radio lady asks
me to explain why I want this wish for this person...now I only have a
song length to come up with something without mentioning anything TOO
specific, and to get the fuzzies out of my throat...'cause I was goin'
on the RADIO!!!  Aaack!  I think I may have accidentally
mentioned her youngest's name, but other than that I think I did pretty
well giving them her story.  So sis calls me up about 30 min after
that, saying she got this phone call from a radio station, would I know
anything about it?  Nope, not me...must be SANTA!!!!
Hopefully they'll get the heating stuff soon...I heard the kids
chanting in the background "no more cold toes..." Yeah...hopefully
this'll start her day/week/month/etc...off a little happier....

Jess sung her solo in Church on Sunday...so beautiful.  I was the
crazy mom in front of the church snapping pictures and working the
camcorder!!!  She sang Child in the Manger to the tune of Simon
and Garfunkles  song...can't think of the name...something about
the morning...Everyone after was telling her how great she sounded...I
don't think I've ever seen her shine so bright. Wish I could figure out
how to get her singing from the camcorder onto here...that would be so
great!

Then after we went and saw Narnia.  OH MY GOSH!!!!  They did
such a great job creating that movie!!  I read somewhere that the
director was really nervous about making it...those of us who have the
books about memorized 'cause we love them so much, have our own
definite mind pictures from the book, and he was afraid of clashing
with those ideas...he so didn't.  Yeah, of course some of the
stuff was a little different (the river, no stoned tea party,etc...)
but awesome anyway!!!  I'm gonna have to read them through again,
now, just for kicks!! I think I still have The Last Battle to read to
Jess anyway...yes, I know she's 11, almost 12, but I started reading
them to her, and doggone it, I'm gonna finish it!!!

I so have no time for this today...these home teachers that are
convinced they're going to change my church are coming by today at 4:00
to watch a Christmas video with us...I need to clean the house, make a
cake or something, decorate (it's one of their birthdays-he turns
21)...of course on top of needing to wrap and mail out
packages....Whew!  I'm tired just sitting here typing about it.... 
I have no problem by the way, having the home teachers out...I've told
them point blank that we are very active now in the church we're going
to...so long as they don't start going into why I should switch, it'll
be OK...it's all the same religious backbone...ya know? 

OK...really really need to clean...let me find something funny!!!

The 12 Days Of Christmas (For the politically correct)


On the 12th day of the Eurocentrically imposed midwinter festival, my
Significant Other in a consenting adult, monogamous relationship gave to
me:

TWELVE males reclaiming their inner warrior through ritual drumming,

ELEVEN pipers piping (plus the 18-member pit orchestra made up of
members in good standing of the Musicians Equity Union as called for in
their union contract even though they will not be asked to play a note),

TEN melanin deprived testosterone-poisoned scions of the patriarchal
ruling class system leaping,

NINE persons engaged in rhythmic self-expression,

EIGHT economically disadvantaged female persons stealing milk-products
from enslaved Bovine-Americans,

SEVEN endangered swans swimming on federally protected wetlands,

SIX enslaved Fowl-Americans producing stolen non-human animal products,

FIVE golden symbols of culturally sanctioned enforced domestic incarceration,

(NOTE after members of the Animal Liberation Front threatened to throw
red paint at my computer, the calling birds, French hens and partridge
have been reintroduced to their native habitat.  To avoid further
Animal-American enslavement, the remaining gift package has been
revised.)

FOUR hours of recorded whale songs

THREE deconstructionist poets

TWO Sierra Club calendars printed on recycled processed tree carcasses

AND a Spotted Owl activist chained to an old-growth pear tree.



Thanks to Mary Campbell