OK....this is purely a confessional get off my chest post...no catch up's really yet.  I just need to unload and can't do it with anyone I know-know.  Ya know?  'K.  So I'm doing pretty good on this weight loss thing...long timers know it's been a goal for me to lose weight...and so far I've lost almost 90 lbs, with only 20 more to go 'til goal.  80 lbs of that has been low-carbing and extreme exercise. With none of my past foolishness included.  A little past history...high school years, bulemic/anorexic/eating/exercise disorder.  Never obvious enough to get caught, so never really got help for it....anyway, overcame that myself freshman year of college/air force years...binging just every once in awhile (every few months maybe) and yakking.  Not too bad, really.  Mainly ice cream, 'cause it's easy, ya know?  Sorry to gross you out, people, but this is MY confessional.  Had kids, got FAT.  90 lbs with my first, lost most of it, then 70 lbs with my second.  Content with my fatness, didn't do anything bad.  Joined LA Weight Loss a few years back, gained alot of nasty habits...with a forced weigh in, apparently the pressure got to me, and to have a better result, yak anything extra eaten or lax it up.  And yes, I knew better.  Stopped going to LA 6 after months or so...pressure was TOO much, and I felt like I was killing myself, which in a slow stupid way, I guess I was.  Went low-carb for a year and a half...NO purging whatsoever, 'cause if a carb even reaches your tummy, it's in there, no going back.  But please know I ate healthy...lots of meat and veggies and berry fruit...only did extreme low carb every once in awhile for jump start purposes...basically cut out all white food and breads...did wonders.  Excercise stayed at disorder levels, I know, but I consider that better than other things. Now, I've joined Weight Watchers, what 7 weeks ago today? (another weigh in today) Still exercise freak, of course...I feel that if I don't work out, it's so much easier to eat,  like, what's it matter?  So anyway, forced weigh ins.  On low carb I was weighing myself once a day, sometimes twice...no problems for me.  Now, I'm stupid.  Stupid stupid stupid.  Last Monday night, I took ex-lax to try to counterbalance some of the eating I had done during the week, just so I could have some loss to the scale.  I've been crawling along like 1-3 ounces at a time, every so often losing a pound here or there....weight loss for 7 weeks being 8 or so pounds.  So I cheated and took ex lax last week.  Lost a pound and a half....and YES I KNOW IT WAS ONLY WATER WEIGHT.  But it felt good to have a big loss.  So this week I went way into my extra 35 points...and took exlax again last night, for  a good weigh in today.  3 of them.  Did research on the internet to remind me AGAIN the dangers of laxative overuse.  I know, I know.  I know better.  So, ready for some more stupidity?  I made myself throw up the laxatives.  I even had a really good eating day yesterday...ate all my points perfectly...fish, broccoli, and rice for dinner.  Anyway all the laxatives in the house are gone.  Gone, dissolved down the toilet.  I can't tell my husband...I don't want him looking over my shoulder all the time...he knows it's been a problem for me in the past...I can't let him know it's recurring pretty harshly right now...it's something I think I"m gonna just have to put on my big girl panties for and tough through it myself...and I don't want anyone else to question my weight loss to date, cause it's really been me and not any disorders doing it.  I just feel so kicked.  Why do I do this to myself????  I don't look bad anymore.  (in clothes anyway)  I feel great athletically...what's wrong with me? 

Gotta get my son to school and then go weigh in...let you know how it goes, if I get a chance. 

This post is JUST for Sherrytwinklz...look!  no fireworks!!!   I promise I will try to post this week...new job, still trying to figure out how to balance everything and succeed at everything.  You know, pull a super-woman. Why not???  I am there...I check my email at work during naptime, just am not able to connect to xanga to comment and say hello...and naptime is my only spare time of the day so far...that and right now when I SHOULD be up in bed, 'cause now the only time I have to work out is 5 a.m.  And of course I do it, cause I'm a weird masochistic exercise addict.  ANYWAY...gonna go...take care and I WILL POST SOON.  Love you guys...even if I've fallen off more than a few subscribe lists I still think of you and check and make sure you're doing OK...and even when I don't comment and something horrible or fantastic has happened, please know you've been in my prayers and thoughts....