December 26, 2006

• I'll post in a bit...spending family time...in the meantime, have yourself a little chuckle...or just nod in agreement...whichever and MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!! (or the holiday you choose to celebrate!!!!)

   

   

  Holiday Eating Tips
  
  1. Avoid carrot sticks.  Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table knows
  nothing of the Christmas spirit. In fact, if you see carrots, leave immediately. Go
  next door, where they're serving rum balls.
  
  2.  Drink as much eggnog as you can, and quickly.  Like fine single-malt scotch,
  it's rare. In fact, it's even rarer than single-malt scotch. You can't find it any
  other time of year but now.  So drink up! Who cares that it has 10,000 calories in
  every sip?  It's not as if you're going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something.
  It's a treat. Enjoy it.  Have one for me.  Have two.  It's later than you think.
  It's Christmas!
  
  3.  If something comes with gravy, use it.  That's the whole point of gravy.  Gravy
  does not stand alone.  Pour it on.  Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes.
  Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano.  Repeat.
  
  4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or whole milk.
  If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car with an automatic
  transmission.
  
  5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating.
  The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other people's food for
  free.  Lots of it. Hello?
  
  6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's. You can do
  that in January when you have nothing else to do.  This is the time for long naps,
  which you'll need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of
  food and that vat of eggnog.
  
  7.  If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
  Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and
  don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of attention.
  They're like a beautiful pair of shoes.  If you leave them behind, you're never
  going to see them again.
  
  8. Same for pies. Apple.  Pumpkin.  Mincemeat.  Have a slice of each. Or, if you
  don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three. When else
  do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
  
  9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
  celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost.  I mean, have SOME standards.
  
  10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or get up
  from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Reread tips; start over, but
  hurry, January is just around the corner.

  
  

  • 4:01 pm
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